lolz omg your and Idiot
omg sycophants no!!!! but we'll give keri this: she knows her use of your/you're. and in this day and age, that's a damn good start.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Oh, We Long For The Days...
Brace yourselves, for this is probably the cheesiest video Las Latinas have ever seen (and really, that's saying kind of a lot for us). However, it *does* recall for us a time of magic and wonder. A time of innocence. A time of boy bands and Britney. A time when TRL was so cool and Carson Daly wasn't throwing up after every meal. Please enjoy. And speaking of Britney, Las Latinas have learned that Britney used to enjoy burning things and lighting fires in her dressing room before performances. And she wasn't just burning incense and candles. Why? Because she's always been crazy. Britbrit, how'd you hide yo' true self for so long?
MTV Fights Losing Battle Against Irrelevancy
Sarah Silverman is not magic, and these are the worst nominations ever.
Close Call: Madonna
The suit is elegant and the bag is almost caliente, but we're not sure about the new hair. The color is acceptable, but the bob? Eh. It looks like she's trying to cover a scar brought about by Malawi acid being thrown at her face. Too Dick Tracy for us, basically.
(Source)
Healthy Donuts? Hell to the No
Dunkin' Donuts announced plans to team up with Rachael Ray to launch a new health-conscious menu for which Ray will also serve as spokeswoman. This the same week as RR hosted Bill Clinton and hand-fed him pizza slices on her show while talking about childhood fatness and Americans' laziness in the kitchen. (Or something similar, since we weren't really watching.)
This story is going nowhere else fast, so we'll let Gallery of the Absurd add the humor.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Amigos!
Somehow, Lil' Jon seems a more appropriate companion for Kendra than elegant Holly or sweet, sweet Bridget. And the leopard print dress lets everyone around know that she is a Wild Thing! The only thing missing from the ensemble is a classy gold grill. Not sure which gang sign she is flashing though. Or is that a peace sign? Please, Kendra doesn't give a damn about peace.
This Puts Our Tramp Stamp To Shame
An old photo that has finally made its way to Las Latinas. Either this chick lost a really important bet, or she has a truly perverse sense of humor that we can *really* appreciate. Not to mention that the sentiment is a popular one. So Ray Romano, watch your back: this chick clearly has some massive cojones.
No Es Bueno
Where did this model come from? Our guess is from the depths of hell, although it's probably Estonia or (assholes!) Uzbekistan. Were this 1943, we might have guessed Auschwitz. Girl, you're in the land of plenty now. Stop being an eyesore and eat up. Tyra would *not* approve.
Not What We Were Expecting...
... from one of the most gorgeous women in the entire universe. First of all, this looks like Ivanka Trump heading to an "I Love the '80s" premiere party after a Restalyne session gone wrong. Second, blond hair?? Las Latinas *adore* blonde, but not on this woman.
So who is this headbanded and potentially topless young woman? Why, it's none other than the stunning, incomparable:
Dita von Teese. 1000x more gorgeous today than she was in 1987, and 1000000x more gorgeous than Evan Rachel Wood. That's right.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Frumpy Friday: Keri Russell's Pregnant Ass
BORING day in the land of women addicted to: juicy gossip; taking out people wearing Juicy Couture; spicy ceviche.
We refuse to post anything about Alec Baldwin, the latest Brit outing, or this, so take your suggestions and swallow them with some salty limes.
No, instead we'll rebel and needlessly post a pic of our dear (?) Keri Russell, who appears to be busy marrying fugs and carrying as many bags as possible. Also, shouldn't her melones be bigger by now?? Just saying.
Credit, though: the shades are hott, as is the open-mouth breathing. So 2007.
(Source)
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Did You Know That Bees and Dogs Can Smell Fashion Disasters?
Jonathan Lipnicki, 16, at a theme-party that nevertheless fails to excuse this eyesore.
(Source)
K-Fed Falls From Whatever He Could Once Call Grace
It's Raining Today and We Like This Song
Rihanna (Feat. Jay-Z, who confused "retirement" with "incessant collaborations")
"Umbrella"
(Via Dlisted)
No es Bueno: Some Unknown
Supposedly, her name is Phoebe Price, but from now on, Las Latinas shall dub her "Your Significant Other's Semi-Innocent Foreign Co-Worker Whom You Must Tolerate During This Outing Because She's Trying Hard and You Want to Get Laid Tonight."
(Source)
One of These Ain't Like the Other
Annie Lennox on last night's Americal Idol: Idol Gives Back special:
Prez Arbusto doing his thing:
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Jack White Sells Out; We Buy It Hook, Line, & Sinker
New Coca-Cola commercial set to music by Jack White (of The White Stripes and The Raconteurs):
(Via College Humor)
Lo amamos!
Muy Caliente: Rosario Dawson
GRACIAS, Drudge, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, TMZ: we know Rosie is leaving The View. This makes us sad, obvi, but we refuse to believe that anything can contain or silence Ro, so she'll be back in some capacity, and we'll be waiting.
MOVING ON.
Damn, girl - you look hott.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
When Doves Cry
Muy malo news: My Games Fever, an Ecstatic experience of a television show hosted by Kourtney Brown (a.k.a., Kourtney with a K), has been cancelled. ARGH!!
Duh, in real life we would probably stab one of Kourtney's feet through the shoe to steal a kidney, but we still love 'im. He's a star. Now we're left with 29,102 TV judge options. No es bueno.
Oh, well. Here's a clip. Leave us while we weep and drunk-text the answer to this scrambled puzzle: "DOPi"
(Via BWE)
Hypothesis of the Week
Sure, Britney still looks like an audience member at a Halloween-themed taping of Jerry Springer, all decked out in what her third personality believes is a Daisy Duke costume. But her stomach looks kind of hott. How is this possible?? Lipo, 61 personal trainers, and a lemon-juice diet would not suffice.
Egotastic! provides the best explanation so far:
"I'm...not buying that this person is really Britney Spears. I think the real Britney Spears died of a drug overdose, and the record labels used her placenta to create a clone. Of course, since cloning technology hasn't been perfected yet, Britney 2.0 went a bit crazy, shaved all its hair off, and attacked the paparazzi with an umbrella."
Awful Plastic Surgery?
Morning Nuggets
This is what happens when you work with Tom Cruise and Woody Allen and play Elvis in a made-for-TV movie. But alcohol? Nobody's fooled.
Someone out there cares: Dolores O'Riordan of The Cranberries says a reunion of the Irish band is possible, although for now she's enjoying her solo work.
Piano-playing cat. (Yep. This is what today promises. This or some variation on the Alec Baldwin call. Accept it and love us.)
(Via Daily Mail)
Monday, April 23, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
One Time Only: We Show Our Softer Side
New video for As Tall As Lions's "Love, Love, Love(Love, Love)"... HAVE SEX TO IT.
(Via Stereogum)
Amen
Us Weekly: What about the rumors that you had botched plastic surgery on your vagina?
Jenna Jameson: That is completely false. But to tell you the truth, I think vaginoplasties are awesome. Maybe I'll have one in a couple of years, after I have a baby or something. I believe in every kind of plastic surgery. If it's something that feels right, then do it.
On newstands now!
Weekend Beeyatch
From the groundbreaking show, Sit and Be Fit. The video's quality matches its content, so STFU.
Why Being in a Latina Gang Makes Sense
Slowest news day ever, anyone?
As we heat up the skillet in preparation for Friday Fried Tequila Worms, we wonder: What are we grateful for this week?
For starters, there's this fab image, which should make all Latin@s proud:
That, combined with Erik Estrada's getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Sh...Fame* and some dude named Gonzales's making tortilla soup out of the Constitution, made us realize how luck we are to have found the loving embrace of an 8-inch knife and the warmth of city pavement.
*Surprised? Take a look at the clip below and tell us he's not an inspiration and living legenda.
(Pic credit: John Shearer/WireImage)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Classic Moments in Reality-TV History: No. 4,827
Weeks ago, Charla (from The Amazing Race) fell face-first while wearing a suit of armor:
Alec Baldwin is a Latina
TMZ has "obtained" the most phenomenal message since Pat O'Brien's infamous dirty calls.
The scene: After Ireland failed to answer her father's scheduled morning phone call from New York on April 11, Alec Baldwin goes bear-ass berserk on her voice mail.
Don't believe us? Here are some Dina Lohan-like samples:
"Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone," adding, "you have insulted me for the last time."
"I don't give a damn that you're 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do...You've made me feel like s**t."
He also threatens to "straighten [her] ass out."
Hott. Listen to the actual mp3 here.
Nothing More Than: Gwen Stefani's New Video
"4 in the Morning"
(Unrelated: Can somebody tell us why deli-style turkey slices are so effing expensive?? We work hard for the money.)
Jessica Biel Soup for the Soul
We've known for years that Jessica Biel has a stunning arse (she must be at minimum 1/16th Latina)
but we'd never noticed her hott legs.
Until today, when Egotastic posted some pics from her appearance last night on Letterman.
Needless to say: lucky b-i-t-c-h.
Money Buys Class
Once more, TMZ breaks the important news: Donald Trumps's "stirring it up again with Rosie – this time, by sending her boss, Babwa, an undergarment O'Donnell once wore in a movie." The Dump Truck got the outfit ("a bustier" or "a giant pair of panties"...?) -- which Ro wore in Exit to Eden –- out of the blue from a fan, who had bought it at auction and framed it. Trump says he "didn't want it" in his office because "it was really gross," so he sent it to Walters.
The movie in question, Exit to Eden, can only be described as one of the worst ever, something even Rosie admits. Yes, we've seen it.
A more important question: Did The Donald perhaps try it on before sending it to Babwa Wawa? Did he run it through his hair, or sit on it for a while?
In any event, Las Latinas have missed the Trump-Rosie feud, especially because the Bill O'Reilly-Rosie feud is going nowhere fast. May we suggest Rosie send Bill loofahs and falafels?
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead!
Adios, Eyebrows Menudo!
After weeks and weeks and weeks of escaping the boot, Sanjaya Malakar was finally voted off American Idol.
Of course Las Latinas are a little sad. Sanjaya brought us laughter and joy, as well as indignity and sexual frustration. (Does anyone realize how many of our lovers look a bit like Malakar? An embarrassing number.)
So, yes, he will be missed. We guess Ryan Seacrest will go back to being Head Homo on the stage. Blake Lewis better watch his ass - er, butt...agh, we meant back!
Take care, Sanjaya; we'll see you on the corner.
"Besame Mucho"
"They're Not Safe Without Me"
La Lohan gave a classic interview to Allure magazine, which you can buy somewhere. Some choice quotes:
"It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab."
"I don't know that I'm necessarily an addict."
"When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe...When my friends have left me -- I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me."
She also said Bob Barker is "gangsta delicious" and that Garfield's lasagnas must have been "stuffed with pot" to explain his unrelenting desire. (OK, we made those two up. OR DID WE???)
Source
And Today's Terrible Idea Comes From...
TMZ reports: "The TV Guide Channel has replaced veteran red carpet fashion mavens Joan & Melissa Rivers with Lisa Rinna."
Just because Rinnaplasty has mastered the art of deconstructing a face & body and putting it all together again does not qualify her to pretend she knows who the hell people are/what movie they are in on the red carpet, as The Rivers have done perfectly for years. Hissss.
R.I.P
"Did you see the Golden Globes? Ugly Betty wins a Golden Globe. Whatever her name is. The woman who plays Ugly Betty. And she gets up there and says, This is for all the ugly women all over the world. 'Cause it's not about beauty. It's about inner beauty. And the camera shows the audience, and there are all these women Botoxed to death - hair extensions, fake breasts - and they're all nodding: "That's right, that's right." -- Joan Rivers in May's Esquire
Why Weren't We Consulted?
The Onion tackles the tough questions, but is afraid to invite some Latina fury into its domain? Cowards.
Also: "Ev'rything free in America"? Only if you ride with our gang.
In The Know: The U.S. Moat
We Hate to Admit It: We So Identify
Chloë Sevigny in her introduction to a high-school friend's memoir about growing up in a Connecticut suburb: "She was the first person I smoked cigarettes and pot with, got drunk with, snuck out of the house with, got arrested at the mall with, drove underage with. [...] The people from Darien thought of me as a junkie or a lesbian. They weren't mean to me, but they weren't nice, either."
(Page Six via WOW)
No es Bueno: Avril Lavigne
Before you start your bitchin', Las Latinas wish to officially state that we don't *hate* Avril. She does her thing and fills a void in pop culture that someone needs to, so don't assume that this post, coupled with the recent clip from her SNL appearance, signals an anti-Avril fixation. Heck, "Girlfriend" is the new "Sk8er Boi" is the new "Complicated", and we've processed that.
THE LOVEFEST ENDS THERE.
These pics from Avril's album launch party (or from some other event - we don't do research) are nightmarish. Being punk, glam-rock, or pop-rock is not the same as applying makeup to resemble Marilyn Manson's ass or dressing like Kelly Osbourne during her very special episode of My Super Sweet 16. Sorry married life has gotten you frustrated, but the awfulness of this outfit couldn't be any more obvi.
There's no happy ending in sight, Avril, and lest you change your ways, Latina hate shall really follow.
(Source)
Not Ready to Make Nice
We were not looking forward to last night's American Idol theme: country music. After the onset of manic-depression that followed Latin-music night, we at OLDL cautiously turned on the TV with the predictable bowl of cheap wine by our side.
Now, we're not saying the episode was great, since that would be a blatant lie, but it was fun. (As usual, the so-called mentoring was everything but, which made us drink more than we should on a weeknight.)
In the end, we are torn as to which was The Performance...Melinda's or Jordin's? Surely not Sanjaya's, who looked like an extra in The Sandlot.
Here are the clips, via Idollogy.
Melinda:
Jordin:
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
RoRo Time!
We haven't posted any Ro q's in quite some time, so we've missed some superb responses. Time to get back on track. Ro has decided to stop much of her posting about the war, but that isn't stopping ppl from calling 
her out 
on her cra
zy! First: som
e sage wisdom.
Is Michelle Pfeiffer One of the Mas Calientes Ever? Discuss.
Important Update: Las Latinas Hire Ambassadrix to Lesbos
Be warned, though: if Ellen's (and Portia's) peaceful ways fail us, we will not hesitate in unleashing a canasta of hellfire on those NY lesbians.
(Source)
Why Not
Adam Brody's new movie, In the Land of Women, opens this weekend, and Las Latinas will probably go see it. Don't act surprised. Here are some reasons why we're going to sit in the dark and stab a hole in your popcorn bag:
1. Meg Ryan is in this movie, and we sincerely hope this role marks the (final) death of her career. It would be awesome if she actually died in the movie, as well.
2. Baby Brody is too cute for English-language words. And Gilmore Girls, The OC, Thank You For Smoking, Undressed, and Once and Again? Nice resume, chico. This "film" could make Adam a big movie star a la Shia LaBabushka or whatevs, and we're giddy. Or is that tipsy at 11 a.m.?
3. What else are we going to do, watch "Matador Porn 5"? No gracias.
4. We need to hide - TEMPORARILY - from a lesbian gang from Nueva York while we plot our next move. Merge or annihilate? That is the question.
(Source)
Another Person Effectively Executes Aaron Sorkin's Concept
First 30 Rock's Tina Fey uno-ups Sorkin's Studio 60, and now Conan O'Brien joins the fray:
Heather Mills Falls From the Stars
Heather fell last night towards the end of her performance on Dancing With the Stars.
That's all we got.
No es Bueno: Carrie Underwood
YEE-HAW, Y'ALL!!! It's me, Carrie, and I gotsa say: I lurve me some country music fans. So supportive and loyal, and always willing to slip me some Jack and slip off my American-flag & heart undies. Crazy, right?
Well, I'm here at the CMAs to perform one of my hit songs, and I hope you like it. No, I don't think I'll perform my magnum opus, "Jesus, Take the Wheel." Why? Ain't you cute for asking that question? Kisses!
So maybe I don't want to sing that song because a few hours before arriving to the ceremony tonight Jesus DID take the wheel, and we sped along some fashion decades and crashed into a parked vehicle here and there. LOOK AT THESE HOT PANTS. I could grill some patties and heat up some dogs on these. And my leg-warmers are the Innest of the In, correct? I'M JUST TOO PUT TOGETHER. But my point is that Jesus must be tired after all his driving, and he deserves a break. (Thank you, Lord, for exposing my yummy legs and shining Your metals about mine vessel.)
SOAK ME IN, Red States, and love it.
(Credit: Michael Loccisano/FilmMagic)
Monday, April 16, 2007
Muy Caliente: Orlando Bloom
Thank Dios Orlando moved away from the greasy, faux-Frenchie, post-Taxi (or: nervous/unemployable?) Jimmy Fallon look of his recent past and slowly rehabbed back into a Latina obsession waiting for a pinata-themed sex session.
Hotter than a force-fed fried plantain, girls! Jesus is good.
Related...classic Orlando:
(Pics source)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
