Our Lips Don't Lie

Correcto Gato

2007-09-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

African American Boycott of L.L. Bean Enters 80th Year

We Could Use These Killing Machines

2007-09-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Brownie Points: She Was Also in "Bad Santa"

2007-09-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Good news, good news:

In one of the year's richest TV talent pacts, NBC has inked former Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham to a seven-figure development deal. The Peacock will develop a series project around Graham, who had been in demand at several nets and studios in part because of her perceived ability to topline either a comedy or drama project. The network is already eyeing several writers to pair with Graham.

And We're Back

2007-09-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

We owe no explanations and have no shame. Las Latinas had some business to attend to, business that only our medical professional(s) and our Dios need to know, so posting was less than a priority. Let's get down to it.

A lot of big news stories today...how could we stay away for so long? (In light of our absence, a warning: that was sarcasm.)

Doritos has teamed up with alleged beaver collector Missy Elliott to launch its new "Doritos Collisions". No, NOT to celebrate the collisions between Aaliyah's thighs and Missy's head. The new snack puts two different flavored chips in the same bag. For example there are Doritos Collisions Hot Wings & Blue Cheese tortilla chips and Doritos Collisions Zesty Nacho & Chipotle Ranch tortilla chips. Dunk 'em in a bit of margarita and we'll judge this mess for ourselves.

This headline confused us until we realized spelling actually matters and rap artists rarely bother to spell. But had Luda offered an opinion in this ordeal, our minds would have been blown.

Easy call: worst adaptation of whichever year it comes out.

Blast from the past/few years back!:

Hillary Clinton's New Campaign Ad?

2007-09-08T09:21:00.002-07:00

American TV

2007-09-08T09:21:00.001-07:00

Menudo Music Monday

2007-08-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

Common (Feat. Lily Allen):

Common - Drivin' Me Wild (feat. Lily Allen)
Uploaded by yardie4life

Still bored at work? Care for some Shins?

Rosie and the Pussycats?

2007-08-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

O'Donnell on vocals (and lyrics, obvi), Jodie on guitar, and Zac on drums. Pink would be the opening act.

(Source)

HB is In Charge

2007-08-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

Tamale! Halle Berry is only running errands and still she looks hotter than 99.9314% of Americans.

(Source)

The Sound of Inactive Brain Silence

2007-08-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

OMG, LOL, WTF, ROFL, LOLZ, WTFCLOUDs, TTYLnukes!

Discuss: American Viewers Have Talent?

2007-08-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

Or, a contradanza in four acts.

Behold Terry Fator, winner of this season of America's Got Talent. He actually deserved it.

A Guide to Recognizing Your Money-Making Saints

2007-08-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

Above: Damn cool print ad for Virgin Atlantic (via GoldenFiddle).

In other non-Latina news: Aspiring designers will soon be able to cut their creations from Project Runway-branded patterns and stitch them together using fabrics and sewing machines also carrying the hit TV show's name.

Batmano Cucaracha Colada

2007-08-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Hottest interview of the last 76 hours. Watch it.

Call us, Grande Latina! Enforcers are always welcome at OLDL.

Gay News: Good & Bad

2007-08-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

The bad: Ryan Seacrest is hosting the 59th annual Primetime Emmy Awards. We're obsessed with red carpets and awards shows, so we're still going to watch; but, the alcohol intake will have to increase exponentially and our valleys will have to be waxed. Think about it, let it marinate, and love it.

The bueno: boys kissing on a daytime soap! From As the World Turns.

Call us Proud Marys. (Or Marias?) We never do anything nice and easy and the finish is almost always rough.

Fall on Your Knees

2007-08-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

Via Lindsayism:

Releasing on Netflix tomorrow: Christoga: Christian Yoga

"Actress Janine Turner joins forces with fitness expert Mary Cunningham to create a routine that combines hatha yoga and Christian meditation for a workout that exercises both body and soul. Using biblical Scripture, Turner and Cunningham give Christian names to traditional yoga poses. As you perform Christ Exalted, Mighty Disciple and Salvation Rotation, you'll feel your spirit stretching along with your muscles."

The rest of the jokes are still unwritten, but we'll let it be.

Sean Penn: DILF?

2007-08-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

Can it be? Forty-seven and still a sexxxy beast. With a hot wife, to boot. They offer the bedroom, we bring the Viagra, and let's see what the night promises. Do threesomes get better with age?

Though if he starts talking about geopolitics, the commercialization of art, or Hugo Chavez he'll kill the mood and we're back to the street corner.

(Source)

Anti-Tropical/Still Hot

2007-08-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

Our cabezas hadn't dealt with Robyn since high school, a time we associate with our first pharmacocktails and suspicions of pregnancy. But that bitch is back, and we must give her some credit.

This year-old song

is clearly an ode to us.

Her newest single

is trippy and euro and a good way to sweat off some foreign agents.

Mr. Enjoy-o!

Bueno Amigo TV Barcelona!

2007-08-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

HBO has renewed its Sunday comedies, handing out a fifth-season pickup to veteran Entourage and bringing rookie Flight of the Conchords back for a second season. Both shows are slated to return with original episodes in 2008.

It's difficult for us to care less about Entourage, but we rejoice at the prospect of exploring the minds of New Zealand's greatest exports since all the extras in "Lord of the Rings" and fairly-priced travel packages.

Friday Facts

2007-08-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

"This Would've Worked on Ugly Betty"

2007-08-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

Not selling out, not needless synergy - just the meeting of a guilty pleasure and a pop delight.

Exercise in Democracy

2007-08-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

We may not have papers or ID, but frankly, People doesn't give a damn.

Whose Chest Is Best?

We Think They Think They Can Dance

2007-08-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

Danny and Sabra Finals
Uploaded by mickeymcc

From last night's SYTYCD - Danny & Sabra.

Dropping a Truth Bomb

2007-08-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Tina Fey.

She made Jimmy Fallon tolerable when they did "Weekend Update" together. Brought us "Mean Girls" and 30 Rock. Ragged on Paris Hilton before she was canonized.

Our point: we do this out of love, from a place of cuddly fun. We're not saying she looks like a farmer in the evening in these pictures; we all know she's aged well and is an example to all quirky lesbian icons. Salutations.

(Via ONTD)

Air Raid GWB

2007-08-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

Now that that little troll is leaving, why not start the week with a dance fiesta? The Go! Team's new single, "Doing It Right."

Paper or Plastic?: The Sequel

2007-08-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

*In 3 years, of course.*

Zac Efron (the gayface version of Shia "Inexplicable Rise to Fame" LaBeouf) hits the beach.

(Source)

The Simple Pleasures

2007-08-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

(Via FashVids and BWE)

Early Winter

2007-08-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

Consternated? The worst is yet to come.

The Dilemma

2007-08-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

On the one hand, it is pretty sad that Britney broke down during a music video shoot and jumped into a pool with a random 21-year-old, who later sold the pics to Us Weekly, landing them on the cover.

On the other, the guy is pretty hott, the pool was at L.A.'s Standard Hotel, and neither party complained. In fact, Brit got some and the dude was paid for being a douche - everyone wins and karma smiles upon us.

In the end, however, it's a tragedy.

Britney's kids were probably stuck inside an oven somewhere looking for pie crumbs; the media get to claim that Ms. Spears is on a "tramp-age;" the college student doesn't get to seal the deal because his drunken friend almost drowns; Brit probably thought the youth - Mr. Encinas - was actually in "Encino Man" and was on the up-and-up after getting a role in ABC's upcoming Cavemen.

While we weep, please enjoy the sweet smell of sanity. Someone lost her senses and has lost said privilege.

We Did This Once...

2007-08-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

...but with a hotdog-shaped pinata.

Buenos Dias

2007-08-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

http://view.break.com/342157 - Watch more free videos

Lazy Tuesday (for Blogging)

2007-08-07T10:33:00.000-07:00

It's Not Alright and There is No Salvation

2007-08-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

The guy who played Mr. Belding and the celebutard who played Brody Jenner on The Princes of Malibu and The Hills. The picture was taken at PURE Nightclub in Vegas.

Yes, that is a $5 bill.

Yes, we once thought Brody was pretty decent looking.

Yes, we smell a VH1 reality show in the making.

Is this the day Zach Attack's music died?

(Source, source)

The Goddess of Radioactive Genderf***ing?

2007-08-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

Gwyneth Paltrow in the September issue of W.

There It Is

2007-08-01T08:56:00.001-07:00

Surprising no one, Barbara Walters announced today that Whoopi Goldberg, (one of only ten individuals who have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony Award, counting Daytime Emmy Awards; the second African American female performer to win an Academy Award for acting; she has also won two Golden Globe Awards) is the new moderator on The View.

Her stint starts the day after Labor Day.

Nothing was said regarding Starzilla's still-open seat.

Donald Trump could not be reached for comment.

Star Jones Also Reveals That David Beckham is Attractive and Clay Aiken Gay

2007-07-31T07:53:00.000-07:00

After being fired from The View and enduring Rosie O'Donnell's constant taunting, Star Jones has finally decided to set the record straight about her drastic weight loss, shocking us all by revealing that she did, in fact, resort to gastric-bypass surgery.

Like any attorney, Star says she was ''intentionally evasive'' when people asked how she'd dropped 160 pounds in three years. She weighed 307 pounds at her heaviest. This amazing woman writes about her weight loss in a first-person essay in the September issue of Glamour.

THIS IS ALL WE GET?? Lindsay gets arrested for DUI and coke possession and Paris loses and regains her inheritance in four hours. What is Star Jones bringing to the entertainment table? It was clear she had gastric bypass; the only way to lose so much weight is with drastic surgery or by puking until both Olsen twins come out your mouth. If this is Star's way of getting us to watch her show on Court TV (it exists), she's failed.

We could reconsider if Big Gay Al (her husband) comes out on her show.

(FYI: Tomorrow, the gals on The View will announce who's replacing Rosie and Star for good.)

Back to Paula.

Fear It

2007-07-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

*Fear the Gay Chicken*

Out-Acting Katie Holmes in One Scene. Sans Dialogue.

2007-07-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

Maggie Gyllehaaallllyyyaaannnlll and Heath Ledger as Ms. Dawes and Joker in the next Batman movie.

Dame Chocolate

2007-07-27T14:09:00.001-07:00

She's Spent More Time Face-First in Joel Madden's Lap

2007-07-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

A pregnant Nicole Richie faced the music for her wrong-way DUI bust in December -- her second DUI conviction in 4 years. A court commissioner sentenced Richie to serve four days in the City or County Jail -- she got credit for a fifth day, for the six hours she served after being busted.

Nicole was also fined $2,048, was ordered back to school for 21 days to an alcohol education course, and on three years probation. Richie must report to serve her time by September 28.

BORING.

It's undeniable that if a pre-Academy Award Jennifer Hudson, *for instance*, had been caught driving in the wrong direction and high on everything the local pharmacy has to offer, she would've been jailed for months.

Hilary Duff, Madden's ex, must be equally displeased. She was probably hoping Nicole's incarceration would've led to some hot makeup action. And TMZ was hoping for the racy video.

No es Bueno: Dakota Fanning

2007-07-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

If you thought we'd take it easy with child actors, or ignore them altogether, you've been wasting your time enjoying the wrong blog.

Fair enough: If we had been famous when we were 13, the pictures of our wearing shocking-pink curlers, shorty-short jean skirts, fishnet stockings, a pierced bellybutton, a crack pipe, and carrying a huge bottle of bubble-blower solution would've been slightly humiliating.

But the internets were merciful back then.

Dakota, regretfully, is not as lucky. She's less irritating now that Abigail Breslin is around,* but we still fear her.

That is why we must - cautiously - chastise her for dressing up like the Ghost of Sarajevo Gypsy Christmas. Even Virginia Madsen is laughing at her, though Dakota thinks Virginia's laughing with her after the former told the joke about how Tom Cruise's camel toe had to be constantly disguised with CGI during "War of the Worlds."

(Source)

*Never forget:

Better with Age

2007-07-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

Does anyone look hotter than Heidi Klum in the U.K.'s Arena? We hate models, but we concede we can detect a hint of "range" in these pictures, from silly and flirty to pure sexxy. And she's recently birthed a couple of tiny bitches. A little jealous?

The Spice Girls, on the other hand, were photoshopped within an inch of existence and it's sad. We'll be at the reunion tour, obvi, but someone needed to say auf wiedersehen to the marketing person who suggested that they digitally re-alter the Girls to the point where they look like characters in "Shrek 14."

A Giant Polar Bear Attacks NYC?

2007-07-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month, J.J. Abrams (Alias, Lost, Mission: Impossible III) ignited a firestorm of curiosity by blowing the head off the Statue of Liberty in a grainy trailer for a nameless film. Now he's upping the intrigue with this teaser poster.

Unofficially known as Cloverfield (the name of a street in L.A. where Abrams has an office), the film, at press time, does not have an official title. We do know it's a monster movie written by Lost writer Drew Goddard, produced by Abrams, and directed by Felicity co-creator Matt Reeves (who's also shooting it cinema-verité-style on digital video).

For more teasers, visit Abrams' new site, www.1-18-08.com

We Watch the Watchmen

2007-07-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

It's not like we're ever entirely comfortable revealing contradictory sides of our persona, but once in a while the nerdy Latina overcomes the cold-hearted killing machine and we shiver.

That said.

Geeks, rejoice:

"Watchmen," the long-gestating big-screen adaptation of the seminal DC Comics limited series, has finally found its superheroes. Patrick Wilson, Jackie Earle Haley, Matthew Goode, Billy Crudup, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Malin Akerman have been cast in the Warner Bros. movie.

Via The Hollywood Reporter:

"Set in an alternate America, "Watchmen" follows costumed hero Rorschach, who is living a vigilante lifestyle because most masked heroes have retired or been outlawed. While investigating a murder, Rorschach learns that a former masked-hero colleague has been killed, prompting him to begin investigating a possible conspiracy.

Haley ["Little Children"] will play Walter Kovacs, aka Rorschach, who ignores the ban on costumed vigilantes. Crudup will play Dr. Manhattan, a superpowered being with godlike powers and temperament. Akerman ["Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle"] will play Laurie Juspeczyk/the Silk Spectre, who is involved with Dr. Manhattan -- but that relationship begins to fall apart as he becomes more disconnected from humanity. Goode ["Match Point"] will play Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, a costume adventurer who retired voluntarily, disclosed his identity and built a large fortune. He hatches a plot to avert a global catastrophe he believes will be caused by Dr. Manhattan. Wilson ["Little Children", "Angels in America"] will play the Nite-Owl, a crime-figher who uses technical wizardry and has an owl-shaped flying vehicle. Morgan [Grey's Anatomy] will play the Comedian, a cigar-chomping, gun-toting vigilante-turned-paramilitary agent."

Ay ay ay ay - we love it. This is a pretty amazing cast, considering it's not the most well-known source material. But if they make it work, it could be one of the best comic book-based movies ever. Or "graphic novel," naive virgins. Get laid!

(P.S. We still don't forgive Crudup for cheating on then-pregnant Mary-Louise Parker. With Claire Danes, for class's sake.)

Phoning It In

2007-07-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

After two-and-a-half years together, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have split. The 26-year-old actress broke up with Warren, a 28-year-old producer, last week over the phone, sources tell Usmagazine.com. Sources say that Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer", called Warren on July 22 and told him, "I'm not in love with you anymore."

Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren's belongings and move him out.

Jessica has always been too hott for Cash, so his Yalie ass ain't getting any pity from us. Our honey is one of the worst - and thus luckiest - actresses in Hollywood today, and she doesn't need a bloated version of Every Other Guy keeping her down.

Latinas come first. Always.

Oh, wait.

Today in Disturbia

2007-07-25T07:48:00.001-07:00

Tomkat unleashed the inner gravity-challenged alien at the July 22 “Welcome to America” party the couple threw for Posh and David Beckham in L.A.

Also, Beyonce cannot be stopped:

Pink at the End of Lindsay's Tunnel

2007-07-24T10:11:00.000-07:00

Delish.

(More)

I Know Who Booked Me

2007-07-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

Lindsay Lohan, who just finished a second stint in rehab, was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving early today. La Lohan, who is already facing a drunken driving charge in Beverly Hills, was pulled over near the Santa Monica Police Department after authorities spotted her car chasing another vehicle. ("Nobody turns down my offer for a game of drunken, coked-up Parcheesi...NOBODY!!!")

LL was booked on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and possession of cocaine, among other charges. Cops allegedly found cocaine in one of her pants pockets during a pre-booking search.

Our chica really wanted to one-up Paris, huh? Nicole's pregnant ass is down for the count, so maybe Lindsay felt she had to unleash the full power of the Firecrotch upon turning 21.

Dumb.

And it's not like even we would go see her new movie opening this weekend. First-row seats for her inevitable Larry King (or Barbara Walters?) interview, though.

Journalism

2007-07-23T13:03:00.001-07:00

We can see it now:

Lifetime decides to greenlight the next big made-for-TV movie. Starring Abigail Breslin as the now-girl, Paw Prints on My Heart tells the chilling story of how a chihuahua's brave actions saved a life, but also marked a soul.

Following her sex-change op, allowing no men to approach her, Abigail's character comes to understand that a snake is not always a metaphor, and that letting others in is - ultimately - life's true, beautiful blessing.

Roma Downey co-stars.

The inspiration.

Brat

2007-07-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

Paula Abdul totally loses it when she finds out she's been fired from the Bratz movie. PauAbd was supposed to be an executive producer, choreograph the dancing, and design the dolls' clothing.

She was fired via e-mail.

PP Overload

2007-07-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Still zero clues as to why Phoebe Price is mentionable (even Wikipedia is useless), but that's never stopped us before.

Here's a video of the fashion icon doing what we presume she does best: BS'ing a poor, unsuspecting, soon-to-be acolyte into submission.

Rihanna Wants to be More Than Radio-Friendly

2007-07-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

New one: "Don't Stop the Music"

Melodrama Mojito Mambo!

2007-07-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Here at OLDL we were disappointed that we might have to sit through the dreadfulness that is "El Cantante" to soak up our own off-white version of summer overacting, fauxdorableness, and scriptlessness. Which is to say, a Latina "License to Wed."

GRACIAS A DIOS, J-Lo once again saves our collective soul by coming out with an inspired video for her second single (si, she has an album out), "Me Haces Falta." We have told her, lately, that we love her.

Don Imus Gets a Co-Host

2007-07-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

TMZ has obtained a photo of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie on the set of The Simple Life, with Sally Kirkland (who can also be seen at the top-left corner of our blogo) in "full-on blackface and an afro."

Nicole talked Kirkland into donning the getup to portray Lionel Richie in an episode of the show.

Even Las Latinas are careful to avoid touching this one with a 50-mile pole.

That said, Sally could've played Angelina Jolie's/Mariane "Litigatrix" Pearl 's father in "A Mighty Heart."

Correcto, we've bought ourselves first-class tickets to Hell and this is just another cocktail for the journey.

Doggie Style

2007-07-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

Two great videos via WOW.

First up, Underdog's worst enemy: an army of laser-dodging hott bitches.

Followed by another clip from CBS's Big Brother 8. Here, we find Nick "I'm not gay, but if I was" LastName discussing the list of guys with whom he'd sleep. Note the "Brad Pitt - duh" comment, as well as the "Have you seen 'Snatch' or 'Fight Club'...? W-o-w" gem.

The Emmys Are Still Addicted to Irrelevancy

2007-07-19T07:54:00.001-07:00

The Primetime Emmy noms were announced today. Kudos for recognizing 30 Rock, Extras, and Brothers & Sisters.

Huge mistakes: The Starter Wife, Boston Legal, etc.

More audacious, though, was failing to (again) genuinely recognize some of the best shows on television: The Wire, Gilmore Girls (THROW IT A BONE!), Battlestar Galactica, and Friday Night Lights.

Las Latinas love us some La Betty, but when TV miraculously manages to achieve so much, you cannot nominate Kiefer Sutherland in place of any of the young actors on the finest season of Baltimore's (and America's) mirror.

With that, the three-hour Emmy Awards ceremony will be broadcast Sept. 16 by Fox from the Shrine Auditorium, and we'll be playing new drinking games.

Spot the Leopard-Skinned Bitch

2007-07-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

We want it: How to Be a Hott Old Mama and Bring All the Boys to the Yard.

(Source)

Hold Your Horses, Haters

2007-07-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

After Monday's Posh special drew decent ratings, winning its timeslot, (desperate) NBC execs decided to repeat the show this Thursday in place of an ER rerun. There was silly talk of adding in some bonus footage or deleted scenes, but it was then decided to have Posh host the whole night.

Results can be seen Thursday night, with Posh appearing throughout the network's comedy lineup.

(More pics)

Lessons Learned from a History of Violence?

2007-07-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

Yep, pedestrians still rule. But this is still adequately useful.

Not really SFW.

(Via WOW)

Hiss

2007-07-17T10:00:00.001-07:00

Joan Collins, speaking of her former co-star Linda Evans, in a diary Collins wrote in 2006 of the two Dynasty divas’ appearances last year in a stage production of “Legends”:

“Linda arrives at first rehearsal with cosmetic-surgery tape over and under her eyelids and underneath her chin . . . Naturally, the cast all pretend to ignore this, but it’s obvious she’s come straight from either the face-lift shop or a car crash. She also has the weirdest collagen-enhanced lips I’ve ever seen. In fact, she epitomizes the expression ‘trout pout’ with those huge lips that make her look like a gargoyle when she smiles. It’s quite off-putting to have to look at that face, which used to be so pretty, and pretend not to notice.”

(Source)

No es Bueno: Val Kilmer

2007-07-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

CARAMBA.

"Top Gun," "The Doors," "Heat," and "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."

How did it come to this? Val looks like our one Republican uncle, he who banged the hell out of our aunt when she was babysitting his kids and cleaning the house he used to share with his (now) ex-wife.

This makes us a little sad, truthfully. Look at his face! He's embarrassed and resigned.

Upside: a Lou Pearlman movie is probably days away from being made and most of his former boyband clients are immediately available for filming. They're still casting the lead, and all Val needs is a little makeup and some glasses.

Maybe he's channeling Marlon Brando in "The Island of Dr. Moreau"?

Credit Where It's Due: Katie Holmes

2007-07-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

We resisted liking Katie's new hairstyle because initially it struck us as matronly and dull.

Looking at these pictures of her at the NYC premiere of "Hairspray," though, we are slowly liking it as part of an overall cute look. Or perhaps we are relieved to see her without the gross, alien hobbitness that is Tom Cruise.

However, she's never going to get us to seriously call her "Kate" Holmes.

(Source)

The Ultimate Betrayal

2007-07-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

The Killers singer Brandon Flowers and his wife Tana welcomed their first child, a boy, a source confirms to PEOPLE.

So his white offspring is recognized, but his 37 half-Latino kids remain in the shadows?

The Spirit of the Lindbergho Bebe is not amused.

The More Things Change...

2007-07-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah, we're threading these together.

Ang Lee is back, but calm down, homos - it's not one of those movies again. Though the name of the film is "Lust, Caution."

Meanwhile, Donald Trump has invited Rosie to appear on a celebrity edition of The Apprentice.

Last and certainly least, Britney (above) just bought a puppy for $3,000. She's also auditioning for the inevitable award-winning roles of "Drunken Drag Queen Version of Natalie Portman in 'Closer'" *and* "Long-Lost Latina Cousin on the Street Corner" in the movie adaptation of our lives. Respect.

The Contrast, or, How to Lose Yourself Completely in The Fug

2007-07-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

Clearly they're both trying really hard.

Jesse Metcalfe, who was once pretty cute and surely doable on Desperate Housewives, now looks like Britney Spears's next-door neighbor from way back when, a childhood friend who called her up a few days ago because he drove all the way to L.A. and is looking to make it big as an Eminem-mentored rapper with a heart of gold. He believes his first single could be a remixed version of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus, Take the Wheel," feat. Pharrell and Timbaland.

And then there's David Beckham. Honestly, he could wear a giant placenta and we'd figure out a way to use it in the bedroom. In the abstract, the camo shorts, hair, and sunglasses are open invitations to stab a guy in the ass cheek, but Becks just makes it work. Las Latinas would personally fund scientific research towards finding a cure for the mysterious "I'm unable to transform into Beckham's coffee-lid at will" syndrome. It makes a bit of sense and you know it.

His voice, however, is a little annoying and that's where the popsicles would come in handy.

Reality As We Know It

2007-07-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

Not that you could have forgotten, but redundancy is inapplicable to Posh and Becks - Victoria Beckham: Coming to America begins tonight on NBC. Here's the queen on The Today Show.

We wonder if Matt Lauer, after his recent series of trashy interviews, has finally understood that Meredith Viera brought The View to NBC, far worse than anything Katie Couric brought to CBS's news division.

In some way related: why weren't we mentioned in this article? Infrequent posting can't be a cardinal sin.

Finally, our next favorito show has been announced - Snoop Dogg and his family are getting their own reality series on E! Entertainment Television.

"I Think My Father's Big Problem With My Relationship With Shinjin.."

2007-07-12T23:36:00.000-07:00

"is that she's not alive. She's not a real person."

If you have 45 minutes to spare (and we'll admit it...we do), watch this amazing video about men who have lovers who will never leave them. Or, for that matter, even ever say a word to them. Or complain about their bad skin and horrific lack of social skills. Most disturbing moment? When one of the guys "cleans out" his doll girlfriend. Beware...much bitter complaining about "organic" women to follow.

Posted twice for some reason. Apologies.

Latinanalysis: Bart Marries Milhouse in the Upcoming Movie

2007-07-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Springfield, Vermont, has been proclaimed the official hometown of the Simpsons. The town beat out 13 other Springfields for the honor, which includes hosting the premiere of "The Simpsons Movie" on July 26th.

Videos of Things We Love. Today.

2007-07-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

Mika and The Gossip's Beth Ditto

Big Brother 8

(Via Towleroad)

Moving On

2007-07-10T10:43:00.002-07:00

Now that our littlest mofo, Knut, has reached the requisite assassin level, we present Heart-kun.

You KNOW Veruca Salt would give us anything for this little critter.

Our Least Favorite Best Nightmare

2007-07-10T10:43:00.001-07:00

Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

Las Latinas May Soon Be Able To Join The FBI!

2007-07-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

Our dream soon realized, pesky entrance requirements be damned! Doesn't the FBI need some "former" Latina gang members in their ranks to do a little spying/doublecrossing?

"Trophy Wives with Their Little Black Books"

2007-07-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Kelly Clarkson's performance at Live Earth reminded us that "How I Feel" is the best song on her new album and needs to be released before summer '07 ends.

Suck it, Clive Davis.

Happiness Is a Warm Gun

2007-07-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

Nothing new to see here, but a part of us wondered if this actually happened the first time we saw it live.

Yes, he's playing the guitar; correct, they're singing their songs.

Admission: could be worse.

Muy Cute: Rihanna & Kumi Koda

2007-07-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

What is there to say?

Rihanna, who any regular OLDL reader knows sings one of our favorite songs this year, is uniquely able to pull off almost any outfit, no matter how problematic it may appear on paper.

Kumi Koda is equally nuts, similarly cute.

We think they joined forces to save the Earth from greenhouse gases or Al Gore's son, and we love them for it.

Bellas!

No es Bueno: Sarah Jessica Parker

2007-07-07T14:11:00.000-07:00

Even though we felt like the uno, dos, tres...catorce chicas had thrown a party and forgotten to invite us time and again, Sex and the City was a show we enjoyed. Not a hint of color in sight, but enough wordplay and hot male ass to pass the night.

Moreover, it provided Christina Aguilera with a real chance to shine:

With that said, Las Latinas shall *not* permit Sarah Jessica Parker to celebrate the show's big-screen debut by invoking the spirit of Robo-Matriarch XVII. The shoes and purse are pretty, but SJP's dress recalls the most expensive comforter at our local Bed Bath & Beyond.

If this is by Valentino, we need more moonlight. ASAP.

The only girl that wants to have fun while wearing this disaster is married to our Dunce-in-Chief.

Arriba Videos!

2007-07-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

For the cat lover:

(Source)

Oh. Also for the cat lover.

Clay Aiken is Not Embarrassingly Closeted, Untalented

2007-07-05T13:33:00.001-07:00

Gotta Catch 'Em All

2007-07-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

(Source)

A Little Sexiness For Your Day

2007-07-05T12:45:00.001-07:00

These hott bitches need to be hired for *every* hip hop video. They add a truly elegant touch to Chris Brown's "Walk It Out." They have the Latina rhythm! After seeing this, Las Latinas are going to go walk it out just like them.

The Bad Ideas Club

2007-07-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

Us Weekly has learned Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are doing a joint national tour. Launching this fall – after the August 3 release of their film "El Cantante" – the road show will feature the spouses singing in large arenas around the country. "They each will do their own Spanish and English songs and duet."

Papi, that sounds dreadful. J-Lo: que hiciste? Las Latinas are surely stealing some front-row tickets, but we admit that we'd have more fun watching cockfights. It's not like we haven't seen iguana-like animals grab a massive ass before.

In other news, this "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie has no other option save bombing at the box-office. (We hope?)

The poster hints at how cleverness was sacrificed for Jason Lee's salary. For one, Theodore - the one who used to be gay and always wore the green outfit - now reminds us of Turtle from Entourage. Are we not entertained? Yep, we ain't.

4 de Julio

2007-07-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day, Whities!

To our Latina sisterhood: We live to fight another day. In the streets.

(Thanks to E for the Onion.)

Xtiny

2007-07-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

Apparently, July 4th also celebrates independence from a stretch mark-less body: Christina Aguilera is preggers. She joins Ms. Richie in skinny motherhood. The presumed father is not hott.

We thought the father might be Robin Williams, but we were confused by his f*cking something else entirely: John Krasinski's movie career.

(Thanks to Will.i.tran for the baby name.)

John Legend is Happy to See You

2007-07-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

John gets...excited while dancing with a female fan at a concert.

When a man tries this hard, we call "homo."

Somewhat NSFW?

Mama, Can You Hear Me?

2007-07-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

Break out the pastel-colored baskets, blow up some balloons, and prep the preemie ICU: Nicole Richie is preggers.

The father is Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden. Probably.

2008's "Mother of the Year" award is unquestionably reserved for Nicole. And can you IMAGINE having Paris Hilton as an aunt? If we were a mini-Richie, we'd put a saddle on Paris's chihuahua and ride it until Hilton agreed to buy us a villa. Some herbs might also do.

Congratulations, Nicole - Las Latinas wish you health and success.

Though we wonder if your tummy is more the result of swallowing some drug-filled pellets and not of fertile love.

An Interactive, Gay Ol' Time

2007-07-03T09:23:00.001-07:00

Breaking News: Vin Diesel in Talks to Play Disgraced A-List Actor Who Now Spends His Time at Reggaeton Concerts in the Dominican Republic

2007-07-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

Let It Be So

2007-07-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Rumors that Dana Delany is joining Desperate Housewives are almost too exciting for words.

See, Dana was apparently originally offered the role of Bree but passed; she's now starving and wanting an iPhone, so she's swallowing her pride and signing up. The show could not get any worse, so we predict a good season.

Besides, Dana starred in Pasadena, one of the gultiest pleasures ever on TV, and an obvious inspiration for both Housewives and Brothers & Sisters (starting with the cast). Dios, that was a great show. Diane Keaton was an exec producer. Suicide, pseudo-incest, and alcohol abuse were featured in every episode. Had it not aired two weeks after 9/11, it could've found an audience. As is, it's a cult hit that occasionally gets a marathon on the SOAP Network.

Meanwhile, this headline made us laugh.

Cancers are Fun

2007-07-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Lindsay! Not sure what'll change now that you are 21, but Las Latinas expect bigger and better things, dearest Firecrotch.

Also, we know you're in rehab (when you feel like it) and probably too busy to add guests to your party invite, but we strongly suggest you invite these two. Wonder Twin powers, activate!

From Cute to Caliente: In Two Acts

2007-07-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

Buy him:

Be her:

We Corazon This Song

2007-06-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Amerie - Gotta Work (World Premiere)
Uploaded by Alisvideo

Pawing Paula

2007-06-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

Recently, a loyal reader asked us why exactly does Paula Abdul have a reality show. We said we didn't know (although considering who does have a show - check your local VH1 listings - we cannot deny Paula the opportunity), but that it was irrelevant: any taped awesomeness would eventually appear online.

Behold.

Paula Abdul at Starbucks
Uploaded by TheDlisted

Paula Abdul Makes Perfume
Uploaded by TheDlisted

(Source)

Full-er House

2007-06-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

Steph Tanner is all grown up, isn't she? Las Latinas are relieved she dealt with her addiction by unleashing the compassion of her bosom.

Reinvent Yourself

2007-06-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

Awww, look at Michelle Rodriguez, pretending to be a fluffy, sweet breeder! Of course we meant dog-breeder and not heterosexual female. Though let's just say we bet dogs are not her animals of choice.

On the subject of creating a new you, "The Simpsons" movie finally arrives this summer, and by visiting the official website you can make a Simpsons avatar, whatever that means. Sounds like nerdy and born-again virginal fun to us.

The Parentless Trap

2007-06-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

La Lohan was allegedly drunk and had cocaine in her system during the incident when she crashed her car in Beverly Hills over Memorial Day weekend. According to law enforcement sources, toxicology reports show Lindsay had "nearly twice the legal limit" of alcohol and traces of cocaine in her bloodstream when she crashed her Mercedes.

1. We salute Lindsay for supporting the winning NBA team, but only because Eva Longoria supports the same team and she's essentially the most powerful/skinniest Latina we've got. Thanks for self-hating, Alba.

2. We'll believe these allegations when THEY ARE PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW, TMZ. If Paris can tell Larry King that she's never used drugs (um, classic porn-video feat. weed, Ms. Hilton - we're not stars so we're not blind), LL can deny away and stay hidden in rehab. Or go for a stroll...whichevs.

3. The trainer walking in front has potential. We'd ride him for hours, though he'd have to embrace a paper bag on his head, because we're not casting another "Planet of the Apes" here, people. The other guy is too layered and thus makes us suspicious. LL can have him in her eyesore of a Punky Brewster homage.

(Source)

Neuter THIS

2007-06-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

Las Latinas have been thinking about this important issue for a long time now, and after Rosie's decision to decline the offer, we've decided to endorse Reginald VelJohnson as new host of The Price Is Right.

If You Wanna Get With Me, You Gotta Listen Carefully

2007-06-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

Las Spice Chicas are back. The Girls have confirmed they will reform for a world tour to take place in December and January.

Los Angeles - 7 December

Las Vegas - 8 December

New York - 11 December

London - 15 December

Cologne - 20 December

Madrid - 23 December

Beijing - 10 January

Hong Kong - 12 January

Sydney - 17 January

Cape Town - 20 January

Buenos Aires - 24 January

Muy Caliente: T.I.

2007-06-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah.

We'll bring 'em out, bring 'em out, bring 'em out, bring 'em out ANYDAY for T.I. And by "'em" we mean "las boobies".

Dios, papi chulo is hott.

We could do without the whole T.I./T.I.P. silliness, unless it increases the possibility of an orgy, in which case we approve.

What You Know, Mr. Harris, Jr., is that you're our Soldier and we lurve it.

Call the NRA and Run for Cover

2007-06-27T15:22:00.001-07:00

Got tickets to the you-know-what? Serena Williams vs. Marky Mark

(via Popsugar)

Who Wore It Better?

2007-06-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

Future leather-face:

Aldo, a three-week-old pygmy hippopotamus at the Vincennes zoo, outside Paris...(AP Photo/Jacques Brinon)

OR

Ann Coulter on Hardball

Jumping Rope for the Glory of the Lord

2007-06-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

Las Latinas save this for special occasions: LOL.

(Source)