Dammit Kendra

Holly and Bridget hate your ass and with good reason, but you don't always have to work so hard to prove you're the sports-loving black sheep of the trio. Meanwhile, Holly is once again the epitome of perfection (is that redundant? Doesn't matter). Does Holly get pissed at Hef when he hooks it up with Kendra? Is she there watching on the sidelines? Or, the most likely scenario, does Kendra stay far away from the Hef p33n and just hook it up indiscriminately with linebackers and point guards (baseball players are too classy for K) when she can escape the mansion?

On another note, it seems that all the girls have lost weight. A Latina plea: please don't go Bosworth on us, Girls Next Door!

Source

Las Latinas Can't Even Blog and Chew Gum at the Same Time...

Let alone perform this amazing feat. Mickey Avalon may have been a WeHo junkie prostitute just a few short years ago, but with talent like this we don't think he will have to head back to the mean streets anytime soon. This seriously improves both songs like crazy and Mickey needs to do a whole album. Too bad we have just the Maroon 5 song stuck in our heads now.

And as a side note, the Live 105 morning DJs are idiots and Las Latinas no longer listen to them. Then again, isn't being about as intelligent as my Siamese cat and far less amusing a part of the job of radio DJ?

Today's Spare Change Goes to: Alicia Witt

Remember/know her? We barely do, but we sort of like her, for some strange reason. We'd totally invite her over for Fanta and tamales.

(But no way in Hell are we watching "Vanilla Sky.")

(Credit)

Breaking News: Tyra Banks Continues Quest to Figure Out What to Do With Her Time

No es Bueno: Keira Knightley

OMG, soooo cute! Keira and Her Current Boytoy (Las Latinas could easily find his name, because he played the hott-in-red but douchy soldier in "Pride & Prejudice," but why bother) are taking a stroll around London.

Wait, what's that in the bag HCB is carrying?? Is it the matching Raggedy Andy costume to go with Keira's Wednesday Addams/Raggedy Ann mashup mess? Or is it the script for a secret remake of "Benny & Joon", starring Keira and HCB in the title roles originated by Johnny "Dirty Pirate 'Ho" Depp and now-starving (dead?) actress Mary Stuart Masterson? At any rate, they are method-acting to the max.

Oh, now we know what's hidden in the bag: a gun to defend against the gordo man following them on the sidewalk. A brave and honorable man who appears to have slashed HCB's jeans while really aiming for his knees.

Henceforth, Las Latinas encourage and endorse this form of fashion critique.

(Source)

Thank Dios for Salma

Mexican actress and producer Salma Hayek and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. said on Monday they agreed to form a film company specializing in Latino movies appealing to wider, mainstream audiences.

This better mean more Latina classics like "Woman on Top," "Bandidas," and "Untitled and Delayed-Due-to-Another-DUI-Arrest Michelle Rodriguez Project."

Delicioso, que rico!

A SLOW News Day ... New Guilty Pleasure

We gave Maroon 5's new song ("Makes Me Wonder") a few listens and are now forced to admit it's growing on us. Or maybe we're desperately horny and in need of some Adam Levine lovin' - you decide.

Here's the video:

Christina!

Enough! Didn't anyone tell you that you shouldn't be using Jordan for inspiration? Well, at least you don't have any babies roasting away in your stomach. We used to think your beloved Jordy was getting the better end of the marriage deal, but now we wonder how he kisses that orange mess. It looks like it wipes off with a wetnap.
Source

May Nip/Tuck Stay On Air Por Siempre

With sincerest apologias to Brandon, Sean Faris and Knut, we simply had to share the glorious Julian McMahon. Despite his hottness, he has not gotten nearly enough blogtime here at OLDL. So here's to you, Dr. Troy - a true Latina obsession:

Maddox Loses His Crown

Kingston is one fly little dude. He rocks the mohawk better than Mad. So pimp, and he totally knows it.

Poor Maddox. He had his mom and the title of Most Insanely Adorable Celebrity Kid all to himself. Now he's got a million orphan babies to contend with, and he's been upstaged in the hottness department by Kingston Rossdale. Life is rough, little guy!

Good God, Jenna Jameson

We know Jenna's pictures have been posted all around the internet recently, but this one takes the cake. Jenna, put that arm away! Bitch isn't just losing weight from her divorce; she's flat-out ano. She's lucky she doesn't get railed in porn anymore, because she'd split into a million tiny, tiny pieces. Still, her Posh-style hair looks nice.

The dude looks like the result of an evil experiment to combine Bobby Bacala and saggy old Val Kilmer.

Jordan Quote of the Day

“I’m not enjoying this pregnancy. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been. I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. I can still get my legs and bum into my size zero jeans but I’ll be doing my DVD workout and juicing regime to get back in shape after the birth.”

Las Latinas cannot even make sense of Jordan's quote. Are sizes radically different in England? Does "size zero" mean something Las Latinas don't understand? Because no matter how you look at it, you can't get much smaller than zero. Jordan, your unfailing chav-ness has endeared yourself to us, but sometimes...well, sometimes it wears a bit thin. And let's be real, it's not your body that has suffered during the pregnancy. No, we'd say it's your skin that has been crying for relief. Either way, we can't wait to watch your reality show (unless it rivals Posh's show...in which case, obvs we pick Vic).
Source

ZOMG Jordan No

Posh overtans too (god help us for admitting that) but she's still 34789 shades lighter than Jordan in this pic! Christ, woman, your baby is roasting in there! Age is not treating Jordan well. She does need to take a page from Posh and think about a little surgical enhancement, cause she looks like Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica" here. And let's be honest, does her baby really belong to Peter Andre? He's gayer than Perez Hilton at the Turkish baths in 1977.
Source

Less Busted, or Just Ano?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Linda Betty

America Ferrera is a little too glammed up for our Latina taste (no doo-rag or curlers, mija?), but we approve, especially since we like us some Ugly Betty. Spanglish and gaytinos are hott.

Read the interesting* interview here.

(*We didn't read it, though, so we could be wrong.)

Another Excuse to Steal a New TV

30 Rock has been renewed. Here are some reasons why:

No es Bueno: Dr. Rey

Oh, Dr. Rey. Las Latinas are simply head over heels in love with your shallow-on-the-surface but actually depressed, long-suffering spouse Hayley. We are not so fond of your suit. Were you hoping that the desperate starlet/sorostitute set whose boob jobs finance your lifestyle would be impressed with the success you must be having in order to own such clothing? Alas, Las Latinas know Hayley, and Hayley swears she will *not* bear any more of the children you so covet if you continue to dress like this. That being said, we will always respect Dr. Rey for writing a poem to his dead chihuahua that made us cry.

Even Las Latinas Must Say DAMN: Part Two

Didn't this happen in the first episode of "Dirt," back when Las Latinas gave the tepid show a shot?
This is purportedly an absolutely real photo of an embalmed Daniel Smith. Las Latinas know that death, embalming and all that nasty business causes people to look remarkably different and bloated, but did they *have* to turn Daniel into a Puerto Rican man? He's a goddamn member of our Latina gang now!
Source

How Many Times Do You Honk?

Knut honks twice, we know that! Las Latinas are pondering the repurcussions of honking for Satan, although we must admit that the devil sign is much more compelling than the messy, unprofessional "Easter Beep for Christ" sign. Why does Satan have to look so good?

No es Bueno: Chloe Sevigny

We weren't aware that Chloe played one of 3 wives on the controversial polygamist dramedy Dynasty. Nor did we know that Uma Thurman left any decorative fabric intact after her Tokyo rampage in "Kill Bill."

Regardless, Las Latinas are clearly not mistaken when we look at Chloe and therefore want someone to jump in the car behind her and put the pedal to the metal.

(Source)

Even Las Latinas Must Say, "DAMN"

Keith Richards revealed that he once snorted the remains of his own dad Bert, leavened with a bit of cocaine to make it go down easier. "He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared ... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive," says Keith.

UPDATE: Keith was just kidding!

Calling Someone Stupid Doesn't Make You Any Smarter

Ashlee Simpson Wants to Redefine a Traditional Social Institution

The Cure frontman Robert Smith has teamed up with singer Ashlee Simpson for a collaboration on her new album.

Knut Has Really Made It Now

He may be Cafe Con Leche's killing machine/secret weapon in the fight against the Singing Phantom Menaces, but Las Latinas aren't afraid to admit we're just a little jealous of the bastard. Knut, don't forget where you came from!

Happy (Belated) April Fools' Day

And the blogosphere goes nuts: Alanis covers "My Humps"