Which Will Be More Depressing?

Mary-Kate Olsen's acting once she joins the cast of Weeds (or her joining the cast in the first place - either way), or an opera based on "Dancer in the Dark"?

Credit Where's It's Due: Mary-Kate Olsen

Oh, we KNOW how shocking this (reasonably) congratulatory post is, particularly considering how MK looked a mere few days ago.

But we gotta give it to the little psycho: she looks okay in these pics. And Las Latinas will take it. It's not like we've never been there before; some mornings we get paid big buck$, while others we need to pull out the knife and stab the cheap, "unsatisfied" customer.

This is the right direction, baby. Note, also, that if you ever try to push Hobo Chic again, we will show no mercy.

(Credit)

No es Bueno: Mary-Kate Olsen

You knew this was coming: Las Latinas vs. Las Olsen Twins.

Brief recap.

Bob Saget is hosting 1 vs. 100 and doing voiceovers for How I Met Your Mother. Stamos is on ER, which is allegedly enjoying a creative rebirth. (Whatevs.) Lori Loughlin is stuck acting with David Arquette in In Case of Emergency, but at least she's employed. Stephanie Tanner is recovering from drug addiction and probably dating some random douche. The girl who played Kimmy Gibbler is...WE'RE TOO TIRED TO PRETEND TO CARE. Dave Coulier is banging the next Alanis. Candace Cameron is psychotropically dealing with her guest-role on That's So Raven. Those cute little boys - remember them, the ones often seen French-kissing Comet, the golden retriever? - currently serve as our stabber-ninjas.

Which brings us to Mary-Kate and Ashley. We envy their bank account(s), no doubt. And some days we wish we could call them up and ask how that whole "NYU thing" resolved itself, since we love discouraging female educational advancement (the better to serve our recruiting).

Nonetheless, both twins could use a crash-course in the art of How to Refrain From Taking Your Regurgitated Salad and Making a Potato Sack Out of It. Or, a remedial class in Reversing Zombification.

Take MK (above), for example. Crazy kid. Nicole Kidman herself could not pull off the Russian mail-order turd look in Birthday Girl, so what makes you think you could?? The sunglasses better be hiding two empty eye-sockets. Not.To.Mention.The.Hair. You drive us locas, locas, locas!! You're a disgusting, boring wreckage. Go back to Starbucks and start gnawing on some cigarette-butt muffins.

(A massive check would be nice, though, as we always reconsider our opinions.)

(Picture came from People.com)