Don Imus Gets a Co-Host

TMZ has obtained a photo of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie on the set of The Simple Life, with Sally Kirkland (who can also be seen at the top-left corner of our blogo) in "full-on blackface and an afro."

Nicole talked Kirkland into donning the getup to portray Lionel Richie in an episode of the show.

Even Las Latinas are careful to avoid touching this one with a 50-mile pole.

That said, Sally could've played Angelina Jolie's/Mariane "Litigatrix" Pearl 's father in "A Mighty Heart."

Correcto, we've bought ourselves first-class tickets to Hell and this is just another cocktail for the journey.

Spot the Leopard-Skinned Bitch

We want it: How to Be a Hott Old Mama and Bring All the Boys to the Yard.

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Ring the Alarm

Pretty on the Outside reminds us that Paris Hilton will be Larry King's guest tonight - for the entire hour.

Allegedly, Michael Moore's appearance was dumped to make room for Ms. Hilton, which makes no sense, physically speaking.

Dare We Say...?

Paris actually looked pretty this morning when she left her social experiment, a.k.a., jail cell. The "natural look" (lip gloss, designer teeth, cute shirt, no contacts) suits her.

Perhaps she really has turned a new leaf? Only time will tell if thousands of orphans, battered women, and recovering addicts will get to see Paris's vagina during an upcoming "Flash Your Privates and Reveal Your True Colors" goodwill tour.

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Habe-Ass Corpus

Pending the results of her appeal, Paris is back in jail.

Cry us a river. Seriously - how old is she?

Parisgate, or, The Shawskank Redemption

(The latter was Conan's name, not ours. Credit where it's due.)

Contrary to early reports, poor Paris Hilton WILL have to appear in person in court today. No phoning it in this time, slut.

She's got to be pissed; nobody makes Paris miss Friday National Bingo Night on ABC.

Meanwhile, a "reporter" on MSNBC, presumably discussing the Hilton home, just said: "I'm not familiar with Paris's interior." He also felt comfortable saying, "We have a chihuahua sighting." Tinkerbell, obvi.

America has officially become the main gate to Hell.

The Hiltons Decide to End the Charade

Paris Hilton was released from a Los Angeles County jail early Thursday because of an unspecified medical problem and will fulfill the reminder of her sentence in home confinement, a sheriff's spokesman said.

"Unspecified medical condition?" Famewhorishness is treatable in prison, bitches.

Next step: dating a new guy. We suggest Eli Roth (the guy who allegedly directed the "Hostel" movies), who's such a class act. Sample. "The upsides," says Roth of the fortuitous combination of successful-Hollywood-director status and a MySpace page, "are the chicks." "You meet girls, and they're like, 'Oh, you're just in town for one night. I bet you have this with girls in every city.' And you're like, 'No! Because every city they say this!' And you never get laid at all. Then you meet girls on MySpace who actually want to meet you, and you're like, yeah, let's hook up, and it's awesome!"

Stars Are Blind to Paris's Suffering

Before checking into jail (not a Hilton, but not quite rehab, either), Paris decided to steal the show by attending the MTV Movie Awards. We wish someone had told her that it doesn't take much to steal a boring, irrelevant, endlessly-repeated show, but whatevs.

At any rate, the night's hostess, Sarah Silverman, decided to stick it to the worst celebutard of our generation, and we liked. So did Eva Mendes and most people in the audience.

Though we hope Paris comes out of jail with a giant tattoo of God's vagina on her face, we know better. Perhaps she'll at least gain some weight after eating all those turkey boloney sandwiches, driving Nicole Richie to insanity once the latter realizes it's no longer hott to be daddy's little walking ribcage.



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Normally We'd Break The Rules, But We're Too Afraid.

Considering the fact that x-17 online has disabled right-clicking and saving photos, normally we'd simply hit the Print Screen key, save the image in Paint, post and be done with it. However, we also know that x-17 don't play (as evidence by the P**ez H**lt*n lawsuit), so we'd best not take chances. Instead, we'll just steer you to this. So, despite the fact that Paris is clearly holding the poster outwards so everyone can see what a sweet family girl she is, we think it's adorable. Okay, so the skill level is not so high (she could stand to take some crafting lessons from Rosie), but the jewels are hott!

Jesus Cristo! What is becoming of Las Latinas? This new, demure Paris is softening us even if the trickery doesn't seem to be working on anyone else. We're falling for it!

We think the picture above is of the crazy sculptor who also did the birthing Britney on the bear rug and yoga Kate Moss. Autopsy Paris is definitely our least fave. The intestines (not shown, obvs) didn't even look real! Britney wins, as usual!

Tina Fey Auditions for Our Latina Gang

A while back, Tina Fey unabashedly bashed (we're good, we know) Paris Hilton on Howard Stern's show. Thanks to ONTD, the world can place Fey's wise words within the context of crisp visuals (did that even make sense?).

It's a thing of beauty. (Language mildly NSFW.)

This Makes Us Want to Stab Someone. Namely, Paris.

Remember Paris Hilton, that fab celebutard who - AMAZINGLY - managed to do a terrible job acting in "One Night in Paris?" Well, she's possibly hooking up with that dude who does a terrible job playing a slut on Desperate Housewives.

In another world, this pairing would make us feel fantastically great, much like we'd feel if we found two fried plantains in our mailbox instead of another useless Valpak. Or, if we accidentally downed a NyQuil-Cabernet cocktail.

In this world, though, we fear that a Paris-Josh H. (he doesn't deserve a proper IMDB search) coupling will rob the world of needed antibiotics and vaccines, and, therefore, we cannot approve.

Ooookay, if you insist: we are a wee bit happy that Jessica Simpson's sister's ex has betrayed the Ash in such a ruthless fashion.

(BITCHES! The relentless torture!! We give up. Confession of a Latina mind: we'd do him, too.)

(Additional pics here)

Celebrity Nosebleed Club

Nicole Richie, 25, and Paris Hilton, 26, are going to be counseling overweight campers on the fifth season of The Simple Life, a rep for E! confirms to Usmagazine.com.

(Pic from Bauer-Griffin.com)