There It Is

Surprising no one, Barbara Walters announced today that Whoopi Goldberg, (one of only ten individuals who have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony Award, counting Daytime Emmy Awards; the second African American female performer to win an Academy Award for acting; she has also won two Golden Globe Awards) is the new moderator on The View.

Her stint starts the day after Labor Day.

Nothing was said regarding Starzilla's still-open seat.

Donald Trump could not be reached for comment.

Star Jones Also Reveals That David Beckham is Attractive and Clay Aiken Gay

After being fired from The View and enduring Rosie O'Donnell's constant taunting, Star Jones has finally decided to set the record straight about her drastic weight loss, shocking us all by revealing that she did, in fact, resort to gastric-bypass surgery.

Like any attorney, Star says she was ''intentionally evasive'' when people asked how she'd dropped 160 pounds in three years. She weighed 307 pounds at her heaviest. This amazing woman writes about her weight loss in a first-person essay in the September issue of Glamour.

THIS IS ALL WE GET?? Lindsay gets arrested for DUI and coke possession and Paris loses and regains her inheritance in four hours. What is Star Jones bringing to the entertainment table? It was clear she had gastric bypass; the only way to lose so much weight is with drastic surgery or by puking until both Olsen twins come out your mouth. If this is Star's way of getting us to watch her show on Court TV (it exists), she's failed.

We could reconsider if Big Gay Al (her husband) comes out on her show.

(FYI: Tomorrow, the gals on The View will announce who's replacing Rosie and Star for good.)

Back to Paula.

Politics of Friendship

Rosie vs. Elisabeth Hasselbeck. This fight takes the cake.

Rosie and Hasselcrack Fight!
Uploaded by TheDlisted

When Crazy Bitches, Planets Collide

OMG, so this is the scoop:

Dina Lohan, LL's "mother," was scheduled to appear on Daytime Emmy-nominated The View this Thursday, more likely than not to confuse Joy Behar with Bette Midler and to finger Rosie's armpit (we vote for the one on the left). Unfortunately, her appearance was cancelled, *allegedly* due to Rosie's hating Dina's parenting skills, look, influence, and overall idiocy. (To wit: "As for her own nightlife activities, [Dina]'s unapologetic: 'If you can button it and clip it when you're in your 40s, you're going out.'" We say: hott motto.)

Needless to say, we're pissed-off sluts right now. What are we going to TiVo instead? Martha??? Since when does Rosie actively sabotage our You Tube dependency? So selfish. Maybe we'll stab someone while we hang upside down.

Oh, and if this leads to our precious Lindsay having to make a Japanese commercial, DIOS HELP YOU ALL.

We Call Bullsh*t

1. Are Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen dating, or just driving to her apartment to prepare for a Captain Oats-Princess Sparkle-themed party? It might be fun to have Hayden kiss our thighs, but we're smart enough to recognize a mall-buddy when we see one.

2. Life & Style "reports" that Britney was moved to tears as she read a Justin Timberlake letter, in which he offered to be there for her when she completes her stint in rehab. The insider says, "She could barely catch her breath to read the words. It was one of the most moving letters she had ever received. He poured his heart out. He told her he was sorry they fell in love so young, because if they'd fallen in love even just a few years later, he would've married her - and they'd probably have kids together by now.” Riiiiight.

3. Is Rosie leaving The View?

4. We're fairly certain God hates us, but maybe you love Him back.

Flaca, Intensely and Ludicrously Denying You've Had Gastric-Bypass Surgery is Not a Genre

"I helped create a genre, which was fantastic. I loved my time there. The thing that I don't like the most is the take-away that everybody talks about – the negativity. For nine years it was not negative." --Star "Bridezilla" Jones

(More.)

News That Blogger Forcefully Makes Fit

First, the Daytime Emmy Noms came out today, and only one category really matters:

Outstanding Talk Show Host

DR. PHIL * SYN
DR. PHIL MCGRAW, HOST

THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW * SYN
ELLEN DEGENERES, HOST

RACHAEL RAY * SYN
RACHAEL RAY, HOST

SOAP TALK * SOAPNET
LISA RINNA, HOST
TY TREADWAY, HOST

THE TYRA BANKS SHOW * SYN
TYRA BANKS, HOST

THE VIEW * ABC
BARBARA WALTERS, CO-HOST
ROSIE O'DONNELL, CO-HOST
JOY BEHAR, CO-HOST
ELISABETH HASSELBECK, CO-HOST

Tyra's War on Fat (and Sanity) deserves its own special Emmy, but we all know The View has to win this award. Even Donald Trump knows it.

Meanwhile, we're happy to report that Britney - allegedly - is sufficiently healthy and competent to start a new romance with a great new man. Seriously, this one has so much potential. (Was Robbie Williams unavailable?)

Finally. Welcome back, Daddy Lohan! No, silly, we don't mean Bruce Willis.