As seen in the new Us Weekly:
"If [Anne] Heche, 38, needs to come clean to son Homer, 5, about once claiming to be the second coming of Jesus, [family therapist Dr. Peter] Favaro tells Us she should say, 'There was a time when I didn't have any control.'"
Pending the results of her appeal, Paris is back in jail.
Cry us a river. Seriously - how old is she?
(The latter was Conan's name, not ours. Credit where it's due.)
Contrary to early reports, poor Paris Hilton WILL have to appear in person in court today. No phoning it in this time, slut.
She's got to be pissed; nobody makes Paris miss Friday National Bingo Night on ABC.
Meanwhile, a "reporter" on MSNBC, presumably discussing the Hilton home, just said: "I'm not familiar with Paris's interior." He also felt comfortable saying, "We have a chihuahua sighting." Tinkerbell, obvi.
America has officially become the main gate to Hell.
"NBC's new programming chief Ben Silverman is telling friends he will do anything to get Rosie O'Donnell onto the network, and not just in daytime. Silverman is talking to O'Donnell about hosting a prime-time game show he has up his sleeve as well as a daytime hour a la The View."
So loca, it hurts. Las Latinas salute you, Beyonce. C'mon - who else can say "Madrid!" with such divaliciousness?? And who bothers participating in the Alma Awards?
Hermana is an icon.
"WHOA!"
Now, Joey Lawrence was never hot. Not in our book. Flannel shirts wrapped around the waist and ewww-ish manes did not set our corazones aflutter. Plus, Angela Chase's Jared Leto was and always will be the master of that domain.
But Joey Lawrence was bearable. He had a nice bod, an arguably humble attitude, and an overall handsome appeal.
That era has ended.
Putting aside the egg-shaped head, we remain disgusted.
The sunglasses would be acceptable only if being used as water goggles to search for copies of Joey's recent film projects.
The shirt's gross pattern is somehow made worse by how it fits; if you're trying to squeeze a sausage into a condom, make sure the meat ain't pumped with steroids - oops, we meant antibiotics.
Unbuttoning said shirt to reveal a rosary leads you nowhere, as Dios never forgives The Bad Metrosexual Turned Samaritan. (Assuming this pic was taken at a charity event, which is debatable.)
Call us when your brother - the rather cute one from Boy Meets World - dumps that Dancing with the Stars slut.
Since Las Latinas aren't sure Lindsay will reach her 21st birthday in a few weeks, we present this classic SNL skit. One where Lohan wasn't playing with knives. Nor was she apparently auditioning for The Real World: Vegas Reunion. And Fallon was C.U.I. (cute under the influence) and employed. Debbie Downer was still funny and fresh.
You get the idea.
Slow news day.
Paris Hilton was released from a Los Angeles County jail early Thursday because of an unspecified medical problem and will fulfill the reminder of her sentence in home confinement, a sheriff's spokesman said.
"Unspecified medical condition?" Famewhorishness is treatable in prison, bitches.
Next step: dating a new guy. We suggest Eli Roth (the guy who allegedly directed the "Hostel" movies), who's such a class act. Sample. "The upsides," says Roth of the fortuitous combination of successful-Hollywood-director status and a MySpace page, "are the chicks." "You meet girls, and they're like, 'Oh, you're just in town for one night. I bet you have this with girls in every city.' And you're like, 'No! Because every city they say this!' And you never get laid at all. Then you meet girls on MySpace who actually want to meet you, and you're like, yeah, let's hook up, and it's awesome!"
At least when your name is George Dubya Bush and you're in close proximity to anything African.
Also, poor Maya Angelou...Her Madgesty Madonna is surely invading Laureate personal space.
On an unrelated note, Condi is working it. And even Laura Bush hasn't worked "it" since the early '80s.
It's true: we never went to see "In the Land of Women."
But the Paul Rudd-Adam Brody combo promised by "The Ten" is absolutely irresistible.
Jessica Simpson and John Mayer have ended their romance...possibly.
Warner Bros. has optioned a Thundercats script by screenwriter Paul Sopocy to turn the popular 1980s animated series and toy line into a live action feature. Since you asked: Tygra was our fave (the bolo-whip was the gayest thing ever), though Cheetara was a close second. Snarf was their version of Orko and should have been killed in the pilot episode. Sorry, kiddies.
Larry King is a grande baby,
so let the Arctic Monkeys amuse you for a bit with "Fluorescent Adolescent":
The band was first brought to our attention by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Here is el nuevo video for the Polyphonic Spree's "Running Away":
Hotter than Mamie van Doren? Maybe! It's a tough call. For those of us who grew up watching AbFab on Comedy Central, Patsy is a veritable GODDESS. So when we heard that Patsy recently fought off a mugger with a gun by talking him down, we were not surprised and realized we had to pay tribute. May her drunk ass live for all time. No lunch for me - liquid diet, baby!
Maybe a little ano for our taste, but still hotter than Maniston and too hott for Brad. Seriously, how did Shiloh even come to be? You understand that Angie probably strapped one on and taught Pitt how to use his.
(Source)
"In a match made in tabloid heaven, the father of murdered child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey and the mother of missing-in-Aruba teen Natalee Holloway are dating, FOX News has confirmed."
(Las Latinas then proceed to pat themselves on the shoulder after such a cleverly obscure title.)
Before checking into jail (not a Hilton, but not quite rehab, either), Paris decided to steal the show by attending the MTV Movie Awards. We wish someone had told her that it doesn't take much to steal a boring, irrelevant, endlessly-repeated show, but whatevs.
At any rate, the night's hostess, Sarah Silverman, decided to stick it to the worst celebutard of our generation, and we liked. So did Eva Mendes and most people in the audience.
Though we hope Paris comes out of jail with a giant tattoo of God's vagina on her face, we know better. Perhaps she'll at least gain some weight after eating all those turkey boloney sandwiches, driving Nicole Richie to insanity once the latter realizes it's no longer hott to be daddy's little walking ribcage.
(Source)
The Sophia post below made us think about the hottest seventysomething woman we've ever seen. Mamie Van Doren knows how to work it and doesn't go for the dowdy glasses. Her plastic surgeon must be making money hand over fist because he seriously deserves it. Mamie is a sexy beast at 76. If Hugh Hefner ever dated a woman his age, it would have to be Mamie. She's hotter than Kendra and Bridget combined!
Mamie then:
Mamie now:
Do we spy a *nip slip*? It looks as though the tops of the nips are there, but the dress doesn't look out of place...it almost looks as though the feisty, feisty Sophia actually *meant* for it all to be showing. Admittedly the whole picture would be hotter if she ditched the glasses. On a similar note, people say that Sophia is super hott for a 70something (or is she still in her 60s?) but NO ONE will hold a candle to the hottness that is Mamie Van Doren. See above.
Lynne Spears greets you all upon our return! And she also invites you to sets your DVRs for her appearance on "the View" this Wednesday. How could you *not* watch? Obviously the appearance would be 43989x better if Rosie were still on the show, but it's exciting nonetheless. Our only other hope is that Kathy Griffin is guesting when Lynne is on. Oh please, oh please!
