We could take this chance to focus on the negative and gangalicious, but we've opted for celebration, instead.
Here's Hugh Jackman playing at the beach with his kids. No wife in sight. Easy prey.
Sit back, sample some eye candy, chug some tequila, and honor the fallen.
(Even Wolverine was a WWII vet or something, right?)
Besitos!
(More pics)
Oy, ANIKA.
Of course we remember you appeared in "Dreamgirls", and Las Latinas held you close to our corazon when J-Hud, Beyonce, and Eddie "A Donkey and a Fat Suit Cost Me An Oscar" Murphy stole the spotlight during that period.
Your voice is beautiful, your acting-range fairly impressive, your smile warm.
Plus, we're glad you're still allowed to walk red carpets and attend premieres.
Yet.
This dress does not make us feliz. It suggests a mutant hybrid of a zebra and gummy sour worms, with a splash of Pepto-Bismol.
And it fits you like an oven glove. You look twice your age, like someone in Florida who wanted to vote for Joe Lieberman, not Pat Buchanan, in the 2000 presidential election.
Don't go down this road, Anika. The Lifetime Network embraces all women, but - if necessary - we will cut you for your own good.
Latinagirls will sometimes leave you.
(Source)
Mary-Kate Olsen's acting once she joins the cast of Weeds (or her joining the cast in the first place - either way), or an opera based on "Dancer in the Dark"?
Whoa.
Sharon looks good.
She turns 50 next year; is insane; starred in "Catwoman," "Alpha Dog," and "Basic Instinct 2," to name the more recent bombs (at least "Bobby" was a decent concept, and we've heard that Sharon is not bad in it).
Even though it's hard to imagine a world where Ms. Stone is actually relevant as an actress, we do appreciate her charity work, ESPECIALLY if we get to make some money off of it by selling stolen goods (and *ahem* mood-enhancers) to all the celebs who attend her fancy events.
It's cute how they all pretend to give a damn about the diseases they spread.
Inappropriate for VH1 to show this on TV? Inappropriate for Las Latinas to post it? Probably both! This is no cheesy National Enquirer Steve Irwin "Real Death Video Images!" And now we just can't stop watching Left Eye at the wheel just before the crash. Yipes, we are creeping ourselves out! Gang life has clearly made us hard.
The cops did not really pull Posh over just after she took her California driver's test! Right? Anyway, this is the hottest photo we've seen in months. Nobody but Posh gets so perfect a license picture. No wonder she wants to show it off for the cameras! Posh's reality show is going to be the greatest show of all time, and we're not kidding. So while we stand by our statement that our #1 goal is to join the Jolie-Pitt family, we have to admit that the Beckham family would be so insanely fun (not to mention hott) that we're almost tempted to put in an application with them as well.
That said, can we all agree that Posh's license is just so she has picture ID and not to actually drive? Posh hasn't driven a vehicle since about 1997 when she had to grab the wheel in Spiceworld before the SpiceBus careened out of control, sending Spice Girls flying everywhere. Actually, we're not sure if that actually happened in the movie, but it sounds like it probably did.
One of Las Latinas' oldest secrets is that we used to be just a little obsessed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game for Nintendo. Goddamn that game was tough, but we played it every day while at after-school care since we had nothing else to do because the after-school care was cheap and just stuck us in front of an old Nintendo every day and then probably went off to drink wine and smoke (our elderly piano teacher used to do the same thing while claiming to be "checking on the turkey in the oven," so we're onto these women). Anyway, just how could Donatello climb up those ladders without getting hit by boomerangs? Every time he hit one with a stick, another would immediately fly out! And it was so much worse with the other turtles. Well the Angry Nintendo Nerd - who, granted, takes a little getting used to as he is indeed VERY ANGRY and obviously quite young judging by the superfluous "I'm drinking a beer" camera shots he throws around for whatever tough guy reasons he has, but really, our dad drinks Rolling Rock too and thus we're so not impressed - vents our frustration for us.
It's not gossip, but presumably you've all already read Perez's post about Nicole Richie, sponsored by the Nat'l Enquirer and Star, so take a break with some pure and unsponsored TMNT.
Enrique Iglesias (still alive and banging Anna K.) speaks to Latina magazine.
We LOVE that Andy from The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman chose Tessa, although we fear she might be really boring in bed. But so might he, so it's a match made in American heaven.
Some "Hairspray"ers crash Oprah:
Si, si, si - there are several Latinas here at OLDL, which technically means an orgy, not a threesome, would ensue.
But we doubt these Brits (like most) could handle more than one Latina at a time, so we wanted to ease into them.
(Source)
Ryan Cabrera auditions for the role of Penguin in the next Batman movie, while Alexis Bledel is Alexis Bledel.
(ONTD)
Via People.com: Actor Lane Garrison pleaded guilty to vehicular manslaughter without gross negligence and two other alcohol-related charges that could result in a sentence of nearly seven years in prison.
We could not care less about this legal development; all we wanted was an excuse to post the pic. Obvi.
Caramba, this bitch is nuts.
In our wildest, most intoxicated dreams we've never embarrassed ourselves quite like this. (Besides that one time when our tongues got stuck in a Corona bottle and we needed some Goya corn oil to set us free. BUT WE STILL HELD OUR HEADS HIGH. Or did we pass out in that guy's lap? Blur.) And we recognize that wearing a bikini when no one else around us is could be a not-great idea.
The hat doesn't help.
Brit: give us a call! We could totally fit lap-dancing, chihuahua-stealing (Paris's!!), and Cuervo breastpumps into one hott weekend in June.
(Source, source)
Nick Carter has been named a United Nations Special Ambassador. (Seriously, how many are there?? The U.N. sucks ass.)
"There are responsibilities and commitments that I must make to be the voice of dolphins, whales and conservation issues, and the expectations are quite large."
It's mesmerizing. And it's doing the trick! We know that Jerry Seinfeld wrote and voiced "BeeMovie," but....does the animated character actually have a Jerry Seinfeld face? A scary prospect, and yet we're inexplicably hopeful that it might be true. That said, we love Jerry but he married an evil version of Mrs. Ari and we don't respect that. In our imagination, Jerry actually married Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and by now they have made dozens of neurotic and hilariously world-weary little babies. Sigh.
and what is with the Caesar 'do? New trend on the island? Juliet totally tricked him into it.
and we don't agree with that. Instead, we advise Kelly to keep the booty and just get a boob job. She'll be proportional and curvy and hott. Girl, let your inner Latina shine! Seriously though, she is barely bigger Gwen Stefani before she got her boobs done. And that, amigos, is flat.
Source
If we unilaterally changed our last name to Jolie-Pitt and followed Brad, Angie and kids everywhere, would they notice? Would they assume we were just a forgotten part of the brood and treat us like family? We will admit feeling a twinge of guilt looking at photos like this one. The paps in Prague seem to be out of control. We would have pulled a Britney umbrella move about two weeks ago if we were them. Which we dream of being every night, and with every fiber of our beings.
But the insanity of last night's Sopranos made us a tad nostalgic for poor Ade. Unfortunately this story would be vastly improved if the father was not this Shooter Jennings fellow but instead involved some Chrissy and Ade babies. And bring back the tiny doomed Cosette. A beautiful family. Afterlife spin-off? Seriously, it's not like "Joey" is still in production.
 |
*especially* when they just so happen to be Kimbo Stewart's leftovers. Hell, even Kristin Cavalleri refused a piece of that. Pussycat Doll, what are you thinking?
Source
For none but the purest of reasons, we'd be happy if Lindsay and Calum were left alone to enjoy each others' meth mouths, freckles and bottles of Adequite water forever.
Please, let's give the demure lovers some space!
Considering the fact that x-17 online has disabled right-clicking and saving photos, normally we'd simply hit the Print Screen key, save the image in Paint, post and be done with it. However, we also know that x-17 don't play (as evidence by the P**ez H**lt*n lawsuit), so we'd best not take chances. Instead, we'll just steer you to this. So, despite the fact that Paris is clearly holding the poster outwards so everyone can see what a sweet family girl she is, we think it's adorable. Okay, so the skill level is not so high (she could stand to take some crafting lessons from Rosie), but the jewels are hott!
Jesus Cristo! What is becoming of Las Latinas? This new, demure Paris is softening us even if the trickery doesn't seem to be working on anyone else. We're falling for it!
We think the picture above is of the crazy sculptor who also did the birthing Britney on the bear rug and yoga Kate Moss. Autopsy Paris is definitely our least fave. The intestines (not shown, obvs) didn't even look real! Britney wins, as usual!
...or they could really stand to get washed. Unfortunately, knowing Britney as we all do, I think we know the credited response. Brit, it's time to retire these just long enough to make us believe you sent them for a spin through the washing machine.
Source
Brandon - there's still time for you to leave that wife of yours! She's knocked up, but what's the big deal? Please...do it for Las Latinas. You know you don't want to have any babies anyway. Well, not unless they're half Latina.
Some random blogger watched Dancing with the Stars and was reminded of that one movie, "Center Stage." Any excuse to let out the gay within is fine by us, so behold:
Starzilla giving a lapdance.
What more can we say? Beached whales and motorboat-shredded manatees exhibit greater dexterity, but whatevs. At least Big Gay Al is enjoying it!
Right? No? He does look sleepy, bored, in pain, nauseous, and frustrated, but he likes it like that.
P.S. Nice cat suit, amiga.
P.P.S. We bet her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
(Via BWE)
George Lucas told Fox he has seen all the summer movies since his company, Industrial Light and Magic, does most of the special effects. The only one they didn't work on was "Spider-Man 3."
His review: "It's silly. It's a silly movie...There just isn't much there. Once you take it all apart, there's not much story, is there?"
"People thought 'Star Wars' was silly, too," he added, with a wink. "But it wasn't."
Oh, George.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly: since u been gone, you've gained some pounds. AND WE'RE OKAY WITH THAT. On its own. But then this...this...blue cow ensemble. Plus the leggings. With the high waistline. Also, the top looks like two animals' stomachs were sewn together after one birthed you.
Critics be damned - we heartily await your new album. If "rock" and "edgy" and "darker" are your aims, Las Latinas stand by you, as fellow independent women must.
In small part because of you, we broke away (and decimated) our childhood gang.
Never again, however, must you put together something so horrid. Never again will we hold back when confronted with the image of a Madison, WI, Halloween parade attendee. Never again will we tell ourselves, Avert your hazel eyes.
Never again.
(Source)
We're not fans of having to wait a few years before we can put Oscar Juan Jose Luis Gonzales and Maria Lisa Eva Martinez to good use, but it's better than risking jail.
Gap Unveils New 'For Kids By Kids' Clothing Line
Last night, the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala in NYC brought out the usual suspects: the Olsens, Cam Diaz, J-Lo, Random Man-date, etc.
Only two characters, however, caught our deficient attention:
Cate Blanchett and John Mayer.
John looks much better than he has in the last 27 months or so, even if the look was CLEARLY modeled after Orlando Bloom (sans basic genetic makeup).
We won't bother showing Jessica Simpson (get over it: Mayer's still dating her) because - seriously - we're sick and tired of her puppies being out and about. Yes, you're a great mother, Jess, you've fed them well, and you'll fatten a baby some day, but for now, wear some decency.
Cate, on the other hand - WTF? Usually flawless, often sound in her boldness, always tolerable. Until now."The Craft" was a product of the times; which is to say, not to be repeated. Cate's involvement with "Lord of the Rings" essentially ended when it began, so no refuge there, either. So frustrating. And so skeletal.
We ain't buying what she's selling, unless it's the one thing that would explain her choice, in which case we'll take two baggies.
(Source, source)
As usual, no one knows what the hell the video is about, but that's what Shakira, Shakira does best! At least the lyrics are in Spanish, which means they have met a logical-thinking threshold.
"Las de la Intuicion"
YUM.
Hate the hair color, don't care about the fact that Real Madrid beat Sevilla, impressed by the pole dancing, drawn to the torso, ready to get down to business.
(Source)
Ask Elizabeth Berkley vs. Consecrated Virgins (...)
Surprisingly, *both* are safe for work.
Only one can win!
Las Latinas are happy. And not drunk or high. These are a few of our favorite things (today):
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition's Ty Pennington was arrested early Saturday morning in L.A. on suspicion of being under the influence of alcohol and drugs while driving.
The Advocate's Adam Levine interview. Sample -
Q: Do guys ever hit on you? A: Not outwardly. Not, 'Hey, you wanna make out?' It doesn't happen to me. I don't know why. But I never really pick up on when I'm getting hit on anway - unless i'm into it, and then I just convince myself that they're hitting on me...I'm not into d***. I wish I were. It would be so much easier. Because, you know, men have a certain camaraderie with each other that's easygoing and kind of simple, when you think about it. Sometimes men and women clash mentally, although physically it works out.
Q: If you were into guys, who would be your type? A: Oh, there are beautiful men out there. Antonio Banderas is gorgeous. Well, maybe not so much anymore. He peaked around "Desperado." I mean, every male secretly wants to have sex with Brad Pitt, but that's a given.
The above hott picture of Larry King.
What this is? A "Pulp Fiction" trailer with Muppet heads super-imposed over the actors’ heads.
(Via BWE)
Page Six *ahem* reports:
"Those two are just free-spirited guys. Most of the friends they hang around with are gay. They're comfortable with that. But I think Leo [DiCaprio] and Tobey [Maguire] are the crossover between men and women. They have feminine traits they are willing to accept. They aren't ashamed to have any sort of title, even if that means someone calling them gay." – Tobey Maguire's mother, Wendy (who also said the boys "shared a bed and wore ribbons in their hair"), to tabloid journalist Marlise Elizabeth Kast in the book Tabloid Prodigy.
(Via WOW)
Last night's American Idol was all about Bon Jovi (we're not kidding), which of course caused us to pee our hot-pants in fear. Were producers that desperate? Not that Latin Night and Oldies Pop (or whatever it was supposed to be) were any good.
Much to our surprise, though, the cotton balls we placed in our ears proved to be unnecessary - no bleeding, no tragedy. Sure, it was silly to pretend that Bon Jovi's relevance didn't peak when Mr. BJ himself made a guest-appearance on Sex and the City, but Las Latinas are a forgiving gang. And hyper-karaoke is - let's be honest - what AI is all about, so.
The best performances?
Melinda's (obvi):
AND
Blake's (digression: nice/gay dye job, sweetie!):
(Videos courtesy of Idollogy)
This is almost too easy.
We're not neutral when it comes to Fugie, as documented in past posts. But we'd like to think we're not COMPLETELY anti-Glamorous. Or anti meth-face, which is more appropriate.
These Seventeen pics, however? How can we *not* pounce on them??
If we wanted to spend money seeing a bloated fish wearing makeup, a wig, mammalian breasts, and a dress we'd go to the circus. If, after a few weeks/hours of searching we found no such circus, we'd then invest some hard-fought gang loot into The Internacional Casa of Wandas and Other Fish Hookers.
In any event, Fergie is now the world's most famous appetite suppressant and part of NOW's brilliant startegy to counter the effects of Viagra.
Josh Duhamel is almost ours.
(Via ONTD)
Bruce Willis, he of allegedly-making-out-with-Lindsay-Lohan lore, is still classy:
(Via Deadspin)
A guide for when major TV shows will be taking their summer breaks.
Here, we would like to highlight two dates: May 13 and 15.
7th Heaven FINALLY ends (for real this time) on the 13th, so we plan to celebrate with a historic orgy featuring twins, a reverend, and that woman over there. Hey, some tequila belts might also be fun...And we'll discuss several church positions, obvi. But to each his own!
May 15 could mark the series finale of Gilmore Girls. But we refuse to accept that, in spite of the so-so quality of the show this season. We encourage you to watch and help bring it back one more year. Yes, one of the palest programs on television is a Latina fave - deal.
Season after season, Dancing with the Stars is - inexplicably - a hit. Blame it on faux-hottness.
Stupid little girls go nuts for Apolo Ohno, which in our humble opinion means there are a lot of lesbians awaiting American society. Nostalgic nymphos drool over Joey Fat One and Ian Ziering (who DOES look good for his age, and perhaps would make a satisfactory pinch hitter), which grosses us out a poquito.
If nothing else, Las Latinas at OLDL are the queens of sound judgment. As a result, we know where to find sexual healing:
Carrie Ann Inaba and Cheryl Burke, seen here in Stuff magazine, are our go-to dance-related playthings. Especially Carrie Ann.
And, because we don't want a play date with brain damage, we'll include Laila Ali, too.
Basically, we see your dancing Mr. Has Been and raise you several Caliente Salsa Cafe ladies.
(Source)
