She's Spent More Time Face-First in Joel Madden's Lap

A pregnant Nicole Richie faced the music for her wrong-way DUI bust in December -- her second DUI conviction in 4 years. A court commissioner sentenced Richie to serve four days in the City or County Jail -- she got credit for a fifth day, for the six hours she served after being busted.

Nicole was also fined $2,048, was ordered back to school for 21 days to an alcohol education course, and on three years probation. Richie must report to serve her time by September 28.

BORING.

It's undeniable that if a pre-Academy Award Jennifer Hudson, *for instance*, had been caught driving in the wrong direction and high on everything the local pharmacy has to offer, she would've been jailed for months.

Hilary Duff, Madden's ex, must be equally displeased. She was probably hoping Nicole's incarceration would've led to some hot makeup action. And TMZ was hoping for the racy video.

The Parentless Trap

La Lohan was allegedly drunk and had cocaine in her system during the incident when she crashed her car in Beverly Hills over Memorial Day weekend. According to law enforcement sources, toxicology reports show Lindsay had "nearly twice the legal limit" of alcohol and traces of cocaine in her bloodstream when she crashed her Mercedes.

1. We salute Lindsay for supporting the winning NBA team, but only because Eva Longoria supports the same team and she's essentially the most powerful/skinniest Latina we've got. Thanks for self-hating, Alba.

2. We'll believe these allegations when THEY ARE PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW, TMZ. If Paris can tell Larry King that she's never used drugs (um, classic porn-video feat. weed, Ms. Hilton - we're not stars so we're not blind), LL can deny away and stay hidden in rehab. Or go for a stroll...whichevs.

3. The trainer walking in front has potential. We'd ride him for hours, though he'd have to embrace a paper bag on his head, because we're not casting another "Planet of the Apes" here, people. The other guy is too layered and thus makes us suspicious. LL can have him in her eyesore of a Punky Brewster homage.

(Source)

Make-Our-Day Monday?

Las Latinas are happy. And not drunk or high. These are a few of our favorite things (today):

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition's Ty Pennington was arrested early Saturday morning in L.A. on suspicion of being under the influence of alcohol and drugs while driving.

The Advocate's Adam Levine interview. Sample -

Q: Do guys ever hit on you? A: Not outwardly. Not, 'Hey, you wanna make out?' It doesn't happen to me. I don't know why. But I never really pick up on when I'm getting hit on anway - unless i'm into it, and then I just convince myself that they're hitting on me...I'm not into d***. I wish I were. It would be so much easier. Because, you know, men have a certain camaraderie with each other that's easygoing and kind of simple, when you think about it. Sometimes men and women clash mentally, although physically it works out.

Q: If you were into guys, who would be your type? A: Oh, there are beautiful men out there. Antonio Banderas is gorgeous. Well, maybe not so much anymore. He peaked around "Desperado." I mean, every male secretly wants to have sex with Brad Pitt, but that's a given.

The above hott picture of Larry King.

America Voted and You're Going Home Tonight

Las Latinas recommend:

Paula Abdul's QVC tour de force.

Alec Baldwin is a Latina

TMZ has "obtained" the most phenomenal message since Pat O'Brien's infamous dirty calls.

The scene: After Ireland failed to answer her father's scheduled morning phone call from New York on April 11, Alec Baldwin goes bear-ass berserk on her voice mail.

Don't believe us? Here are some Dina Lohan-like samples:

"Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone," adding, "you have insulted me for the last time."

"I don't give a damn that you're 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do...You've made me feel like s**t."

He also threatens to "straighten [her] ass out."

Hott. Listen to the actual mp3 here.

Is Our Long National Nightmare Over?

TMZ tells us that someone told them that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have reached a settlement in their divorce.

Apparently, K-Fed-Ex will get around $1 million. As for their two kids, Britney and Kevin will have joint custody, sharing physical custody 50/50.

Which we bet means that Kevin gets to feed them pot some days, and Brit has the option of cleaning their belly-buttons with a smooth vodka-Red Bull lotion the rest of the month.

"Whoa."

Keanu Reeves was involved in an injury traffic collision with a paparazzo in Southern California yesterday. (Read)

We Thought at Least One of Them Had Died

Via TMZ.

"J-Hud want a rib! J-Hud want a steak!"

From TMZ. com: Jennifer Hudson reacted to Simon Cowell's criticism of her for not thanking American Idol in her Oscar speech. She reportedly snapped back, "If I'd been any better at my job when I was at Burger King in my middle teens, I wouldn't be here either, so should I thank them, too?" Hudson worked at the BK on East 87th and State Street in Chicago. Burger King was her first job at age 16, where she worked with her sister, who claims she sang while working the drive-thru and flipping burgers.

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, Burger King responded to Hudson's beef, assuring her that no thanks is necessary, and awarded her with BK for life:

"...In response to Jennifer's recent comments in which she asked if she should be thanking Burger King, we say thanks, but no thanks are necessary. Burger King Corporation is proud of Jennifer's success and while we never like to lose employees, in this case, our loss is the entertainment industry's gain ... To further show our support for Jennifer, and make sure she never has to sing for her supper again, Burger King Corporation is giving her a pre-paid BK Crown Card that will be automatically reloaded for life."