Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Pawing Paula
Recently, a loyal reader asked us why exactly does Paula Abdul have a reality show. We said we didn't know (although considering who does have a show - check your local VH1 listings - we cannot deny Paula the opportunity), but that it was irrelevant: any taped awesomeness would eventually appear online.
Behold.
&
(Source)
Full-er House
Steph Tanner is all grown up, isn't she? Las Latinas are relieved she dealt with her addiction by unleashing the compassion of her bosom.
Reinvent Yourself
Awww, look at Michelle Rodriguez, pretending to be a fluffy, sweet breeder! Of course we meant dog-breeder and not heterosexual female. Though let's just say we bet dogs are not her animals of choice.
On the subject of creating a new you, "The Simpsons" movie finally arrives this summer, and by visiting the official website you can make a Simpsons avatar, whatever that means. Sounds like nerdy and born-again virginal fun to us.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
The Parentless Trap
La Lohan was allegedly drunk and had cocaine in her system during the incident when she crashed her car in Beverly Hills over Memorial Day weekend. According to law enforcement sources, toxicology reports show Lindsay had "nearly twice the legal limit" of alcohol and traces of cocaine in her bloodstream when she crashed her Mercedes.
1. We salute Lindsay for supporting the winning NBA team, but only because Eva Longoria supports the same team and she's essentially the most powerful/skinniest Latina we've got. Thanks for self-hating, Alba.
2. We'll believe these allegations when THEY ARE PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW, TMZ. If Paris can tell Larry King that she's never used drugs (um, classic porn-video feat. weed, Ms. Hilton - we're not stars so we're not blind), LL can deny away and stay hidden in rehab. Or go for a stroll...whichevs.
3. The trainer walking in front has potential. We'd ride him for hours, though he'd have to embrace a paper bag on his head, because we're not casting another "Planet of the Apes" here, people. The other guy is too layered and thus makes us suspicious. LL can have him in her eyesore of a Punky Brewster homage.
(Source)
Neuter THIS
Las Latinas have been thinking about this important issue for a long time now, and after Rosie's decision to decline the offer, we've decided to endorse Reginald VelJohnson as new host of The Price Is Right.
If You Wanna Get With Me, You Gotta Listen Carefully
Las Spice Chicas are back. The Girls have confirmed they will reform for a world tour to take place in December and January.Los Angeles - 7 December Las Vegas - 8 December New York - 11 December London - 15 December Cologne - 20 December Madrid - 23 December Beijing - 10 January Hong Kong - 12 January Sydney - 17 January Cape Town - 20 January Buenos Aires - 24 January
Register for (potential) free tickets here.
(Source)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Muy Caliente: T.I.
Oh, yeah.
We'll bring 'em out, bring 'em out, bring 'em out, bring 'em out ANYDAY for T.I. And by "'em" we mean "las boobies".
Dios, papi chulo is hott.
We could do without the whole T.I./T.I.P. silliness, unless it increases the possibility of an orgy, in which case we approve.
What You Know, Mr. Harris, Jr., is that you're our Soldier and we lurve it.
Call the NRA and Run for Cover
Got tickets to the you-know-what? Serena Williams vs. Marky Mark
(via Popsugar)
Who Wore It Better?
Future leather-face:
Aldo, a three-week-old pygmy hippopotamus at the Vincennes zoo, outside Paris...(AP Photo/Jacques Brinon)
OR
Ann Coulter on Hardball
"Say My Name, Say My Name," Human
Beyonce performing "Get Me Bodied" at the BET Awards.
GENIUS "Transformers" cross-promotion. Or did Darren Aronofsky make a deal with the devil to film a sequel to "The Fountain"?
Hottest Play Ever
Page Six reports that Spike Lee wants to stage a revival of “Stalag 17,” the 1951 play about POWs that was made into a classic World War II movie by Billy Wilder.
Nobody cares, we know, but consider this: Lee will stage the revival on Broadway early next year, with Clive Owen in the role of the camp commandant and with Mark Wahlberg topping the list of actors to play the William Holden character.
Drool.
Ring the Alarm
Pretty on the Outside reminds us that Paris Hilton will be Larry King's guest tonight - for the entire hour.
Allegedly, Michael Moore's appearance was dumped to make room for Ms. Hilton, which makes no sense, physically speaking.
We're Your Dreamgals, Boys
J-Hud and Jennifer Holiday sing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" at this year's BET Awards:
Kimmie Gibler Would be Amused
John Stamos was recently in Australia promoting ER (we presume some other character died this past season after falling in love with an Eastern-European nurse and bravely confronting a hospital intruder during a nuclear blackout) and may have been too..."jet-lagged" to function:
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Dare We Say...?
Paris actually looked pretty this morning when she left her social experiment, a.k.a., jail cell. The "natural look" (lip gloss, designer teeth, cute shirt, no contacts) suits her.
Perhaps she really has turned a new leaf? Only time will tell if thousands of orphans, battered women, and recovering addicts will get to see Paris's vagina during an upcoming "Flash Your Privates and Reveal Your True Colors" goodwill tour.
(Source)
Monday, June 25, 2007
So Now I Come to You, With Open Arms
Via The Onion:
NEW YORK—Actor James Gandolfini, best known for his portrayal of mob kingpin Tony Soprano on the hit HBO show The Sopranos, was shot to death Tuesday in a Greenwich Village restaurant by a fan unable to accept the open-ended conclusion of the series finale that aired earlier this month.
Brooke Hogan Challenges Mary Cheney to a Duel
We are/love us some lesbianas (Latinas or otherwise), but there's just something about self-hating log-cabin builders that we cannot fathom. Hence the M. Cheney dig.
Brooke, however, brought this onto herself by dressing like Nick Nolte's female parole officer, one who bought a lapdog from Tazmania and felt just fine performing at a public event after Xeroxing one of Dolly Parton's boobs and tattooing it on her face.
A baby Andy Rooney and Britney Spears called: they want their eyebrows and Wal-Mart top back, respectively.
*SHUDDER*
We now turn to our regularly scheduled Posh edification.
(Source)
Breaking News: Sweaty, Caged, Fit Wrestlers Are Still Yummy Eye Candy
Say adios to Bravo and Logo, let go of the remote control, and step away from the Details: Mark Burnett is catering to the 'mos.
Reality producer Mark Burnett is developing a primetime series involving the bone-crunching sport of mixed martial arts.
Too obvious. Simple and lazy, even. "Bone," martial arts, "approved in fewer than half of U.S states," etc.
All we need to say for now is that Pride never ends sometimes.
Germany is Smarter Than a 5th Grader
Germany has barred the makers of a movie about a plot to kill Adolf Hitler from filming at German military sites because its star Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, the Defense Ministry said on Monday.
Kudos to Deutschland for knowing where to draw the line when it comes to unacceptable ideologies!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Why Would Anyone Hate America?
One disturbing reason:
Or:
Who are we kidding. We think both videos are things of beauty and no one is getting stabbed tonight.
(Source)
Today Feels Like Sunday
We weren't involved in this, we swear: Foxy Brown was attacked yesterday by three of her ex-boyfriend's gal pals - who pulled out her hearing aid and tore her hair weave at his prompting, police sources said. The women also stole Brown's handbag and $500.
The Cure tour dates:
Thu-Sep-13 Tampa - St Pete Times Forum
Sat-Sep-15 Atlanta - Gwinnett Center
Mon-Sep-17 Charlotte - Charlotte Bobcats Arena
Wed-Sep-19 Washington DC - Patriot Center
Fri-Sep-21 Philadelphia - Wachovia Spectrum
Sun-Sep-23 New York City - Madison Square Garden
Tue-Sep-25 Boston - Agganis Arena
Wed-Sep-26 Montreal - Bell Centre
Thu-Sep-27 Toronto - Air Canada Centre
Sat-Sep-29 Chicago - Allstate Arena
Tue-Oct-02 Denver - Red Rocks Amphitheatre
Thu-Oct-04 Salt Lake City - E Center
Sat-Oct-06 San Francisco - Shoreline Amphitheatre - Download Festival
Mon-Oct-08 Seattle - Key Arena
Tue-Oct-09 Vancouver - General Motors Place
Thu-Oct-11 Santa Barbara - Santa Barbara Bowl
Sat-Oct-13 San Diego - Cox Arena
Sun-Oct-14 Los Angeles - Hollywood Bowl
Tue-Oct-16 Houston - Toyota Center
Wed-Oct-17 Dallas - American Airlines Center
Finally: we love Steve Carell but "Evan Almighty" looked terrible and we're ecstatic it was a disappointment at the box office. (Also, we send Lauren Graham our love and hope she keeps working in spite of this news.)
Saturday, June 23, 2007
A Little Bit Country, a Poco Rock y Roll
We just cannot get over Reba-Kelly Clarkson duets! Or, we have nothing else to post. Your call.
La Tortura
"Boy Shakira" is the best thing to come out of America's Got Talent, which means Boy Shakira will be gone by next week. Sad, because summer hottness is rare and we need some manly hip-shaking BAD.
Amerie might suffice, though - mami is a stunner. And her new track "Gotta Work" is our latest late-night motto.
Finally, we endorse whatevs this is. Funny and viral, like our lovers.
Friday, June 22, 2007
No One Could Be Hotter
A Chicago rapper who went by the name Blaxican was recently indicted on felony charges for allegedly swindling $1.3 million from investors by claiming to be producing an Adam Sandler movie.
Blaxican is accused of buying "a Hummer SUV, two pet alligators, and a $442,000 house which included a recording studio, a big-screen TV and an arcade."
Best name ever + pet alligators + random Adam Sandler scheme = HBIC.
No es Bueno: Leelee Sobieski
Let's see: burnt-face Kevin Spacey from "Pay It Forward" meets Helen Hunt's forehead in "Twister"? Going out to lunch in Pattie Field's "Little Mermaid" teddie-cum-bib, obvi.
Hermes refuses Oprah's ass but allows Leelee to attend an event? Someone's blowing Hermes's head(honcho)...
(Source)
Cate and Angela Need to Fire an Agent or Two
Ricky Martin, Brooks & Dunn, Tim Robbins, Cate Blanchett, Angela Bassett, Howie Mandel and the late George Harrison are among the celebrities who will be honored next year with Hollywood Walk of Fame stars.
Also being honored? The Munchkins (from "The Wizard of Oz"), Christina Aguilera, and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Could be worse, but diablo - is VH1 filming this ceremony for a shorter season of The Surreal Life?
Friday Pairings
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
We Rarely Speak Ill of Our Holly...
But this accent made us laugh. Holly is from Alaska, y'all. On another note, if she's pregnant...well, unlike most people, we're thrilled! That baby may not actually grow up with a father, but it will sure as hell grow up with a lot of mommies and a lot of money! Feliz cumpleanos!
Mmm whatcha say?
For those of us who love the Sopranos, the OC *and* SNL digital shorts, this mashup ending is the answer to our unanswered Sopranos prayers. Although we must admit, beating us over the head with Adriana face at the end is a little much - besides, we thought the cat was Chrissy anyway. That or Schroedinger's cat - see how smart we are?
Friday, June 15, 2007
The Invisible Woman
Well, then.
Go, Jessica, go.
Hispanics can dig a hole better than anyone else, obvi.
Eso!
"[Before] I always felt like such an outcast and now I feel like people are more diverse ethnically. I was always self conscience of my puffy lips and darker skin when I was a kid, because I felt like I didn't fit in. And now it's mainstream, and color isn't as big of a deal and if anything it's better."
"I've got cousins galore. Mexicans just spread all their seeds. And the women just pop them out."
"My grandfather was the only Mexican at his college, the only Hispanic person at work and the only one at the all-white country club. He tried to forget his Mexican roots, because he never wanted his kids to be made to feel different in America. He and my grandmother didn't speak Spanish to their children. Now, as a third-generation American, I feel as if I have finally cut loose."
"My whole life, when I was growing up, not one race has ever accepted me, ... So I never felt connected or attached to any race specifically. I had a very American upbringing, I feel American, and I don't speak Spanish. So, to say that I'm a Latin actress, OK, but it's not fitting; it would be insincere."
"My grandfather was the only one in our family to go to college. He made a choice not to speak Spanish in the house. He didn't want his kids to be different."
"Alba is my last name and I'm proud of that. But that's it. My grandparents were born in California, the same as my parents, and though I may be proud of my last name, I'm American. Throughout my whole life, I've never felt connected connected to one particular race or heritage, nor did I feel accepted by any. If you break it down, I'm less Latina than Cameron Diaz, whose father is Cuban. But people don't call her Latina because she's blonde."Monday, June 11, 2007
Fools Rush In
Salma Hayek and her fugly man attend some event somewhere.
Is this guy tragically auditioning for a role in the next Lord of the Rings? It would be tragic because the trilogy is over.
Salma's hair is not something we'd imitate, but we give her props for the dress, and for being able to walk at all.
(Source)
In a Nutshell
Not sure if Tony Soprano did or did not die last night (Journey is the shit), but we do know which other show has the greatest potential to disappoint us come its series finale: Lost!
A reminder:
(Source)
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Curioso
How appropriate! Today's Puerto Rican Day Parade in NYC coincided with this weekend's L.A. Pride Festival.
Ricky, sadly, couldn't make it to both. But at least he sacrificed himself by hiding his true hottness under *gaspy* facial hair and a wife-beater dating back to "West Side Story," all to build (from afar) queeny self-esteem in the City of Gay-Chubby Angels.
Oh, and J-Lo was also around. Hopefully she didn't shatter any Fifth Ave. store displays!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Cover Price(less)
As seen in the new Us Weekly:
"If [Anne] Heche, 38, needs to come clean to son Homer, 5, about once claiming to be the second coming of Jesus, [family therapist Dr. Peter] Favaro tells Us she should say, 'There was a time when I didn't have any control.'"
Habe-Ass Corpus
Pending the results of her appeal, Paris is back in jail.
Cry us a river. Seriously - how old is she?
Parisgate, or, The Shawskank Redemption
(The latter was Conan's name, not ours. Credit where it's due.)
Contrary to early reports, poor Paris Hilton WILL have to appear in person in court today. No phoning it in this time, slut.
She's got to be pissed; nobody makes Paris miss Friday National Bingo Night on ABC.
Meanwhile, a "reporter" on MSNBC, presumably discussing the Hilton home, just said: "I'm not familiar with Paris's interior." He also felt comfortable saying, "We have a chihuahua sighting." Tinkerbell, obvi.
America has officially become the main gate to Hell.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
NBC is Our Ro Pusher
"NBC's new programming chief Ben Silverman is telling friends he will do anything to get Rosie O'Donnell onto the network, and not just in daytime. Silverman is talking to O'Donnell about hosting a prime-time game show he has up his sleeve as well as a daytime hour a la The View."
Sangria & Guacamole!
So loca, it hurts. Las Latinas salute you, Beyonce. C'mon - who else can say "Madrid!" with such divaliciousness?? And who bothers participating in the Alma Awards?
Hermana is an icon.
No es Bueno: Joey Lawrence
"WHOA!"
Now, Joey Lawrence was never hot. Not in our book. Flannel shirts wrapped around the waist and ewww-ish manes did not set our corazones aflutter. Plus, Angela Chase's Jared Leto was and always will be the master of that domain.
But Joey Lawrence was bearable. He had a nice bod, an arguably humble attitude, and an overall handsome appeal.
That era has ended.
Putting aside the egg-shaped head, we remain disgusted.
The sunglasses would be acceptable only if being used as water goggles to search for copies of Joey's recent film projects.
The shirt's gross pattern is somehow made worse by how it fits; if you're trying to squeeze a sausage into a condom, make sure the meat ain't pumped with steroids - oops, we meant antibiotics.
Unbuttoning said shirt to reveal a rosary leads you nowhere, as Dios never forgives The Bad Metrosexual Turned Samaritan. (Assuming this pic was taken at a charity event, which is debatable.)
Call us when your brother - the rather cute one from Boy Meets World - dumps that Dancing with the Stars slut.
Vintage Cady
Since Las Latinas aren't sure Lindsay will reach her 21st birthday in a few weeks, we present this classic SNL skit. One where Lohan wasn't playing with knives. Nor was she apparently auditioning for The Real World: Vegas Reunion. And Fallon was C.U.I. (cute under the influence) and employed. Debbie Downer was still funny and fresh.
You get the idea.
Slow news day.
The Hiltons Decide to End the Charade
Paris Hilton was released from a Los Angeles County jail early Thursday because of an unspecified medical problem and will fulfill the reminder of her sentence in home confinement, a sheriff's spokesman said.
"Unspecified medical condition?" Famewhorishness is treatable in prison, bitches.
Next step: dating a new guy. We suggest Eli Roth (the guy who allegedly directed the "Hostel" movies), who's such a class act. Sample. "The upsides," says Roth of the fortuitous combination of successful-Hollywood-director status and a MySpace page, "are the chicks." "You meet girls, and they're like, 'Oh, you're just in town for one night. I bet you have this with girls in every city.' And you're like, 'No! Because every city they say this!' And you never get laid at all. Then you meet girls on MySpace who actually want to meet you, and you're like, yeah, let's hook up, and it's awesome!"
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Caring is Creepy
At least when your name is George Dubya Bush and you're in close proximity to anything African.
Also, poor Maya Angelou...Her Madgesty Madonna is surely invading Laureate personal space.
On an unrelated note, Condi is working it. And even Laura Bush hasn't worked "it" since the early '80s.
Redux
It's true: we never went to see "In the Land of Women."
But the Paul Rudd-Adam Brody combo promised by "The Ten" is absolutely irresistible.
Weak Wednesday?
Jessica Simpson and John Mayer have ended their romance...possibly.
Warner Bros. has optioned a Thundercats script by screenwriter Paul Sopocy to turn the popular 1980s animated series and toy line into a live action feature. Since you asked: Tygra was our fave (the bolo-whip was the gayest thing ever), though Cheetara was a close second. Snarf was their version of Orko and should have been killed in the pilot episode. Sorry, kiddies.
Larry King is a grande baby,
so let the Arctic Monkeys amuse you for a bit with "Fluorescent Adolescent":
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
"I'm Just Exactly Where I Want to Be"
The band was first brought to our attention by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Here is el nuevo video for the Polyphonic Spree's "Running Away":
Monday, June 4, 2007
Hott Bitch of the Week
Hotter than Mamie van Doren? Maybe! It's a tough call. For those of us who grew up watching AbFab on Comedy Central, Patsy is a veritable GODDESS. So when we heard that Patsy recently fought off a mugger with a gun by talking him down, we were not surprised and realized we had to pay tribute. May her drunk ass live for all time. No lunch for me - liquid diet, baby!
Muy Caliente: Angelina in Esquire
Maybe a little ano for our taste, but still hotter than Maniston and too hott for Brad. Seriously, how did Shiloh even come to be? You understand that Angie probably strapped one on and taught Pitt how to use his.
(Source)
Hott Couple Alert!
"In a match made in tabloid heaven, the father of murdered child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey and the mother of missing-in-Aruba teen Natalee Holloway are dating, FOX News has confirmed."
Sarajevo Meets North American Scum
(Las Latinas then proceed to pat themselves on the shoulder after such a cleverly obscure title.)
Stars Are Blind to Paris's Suffering
Before checking into jail (not a Hilton, but not quite rehab, either), Paris decided to steal the show by attending the MTV Movie Awards. We wish someone had told her that it doesn't take much to steal a boring, irrelevant, endlessly-repeated show, but whatevs.
At any rate, the night's hostess, Sarah Silverman, decided to stick it to the worst celebutard of our generation, and we liked. So did Eva Mendes and most people in the audience.
Though we hope Paris comes out of jail with a giant tattoo of God's vagina on her face, we know better. Perhaps she'll at least gain some weight after eating all those turkey boloney sandwiches, driving Nicole Richie to insanity once the latter realizes it's no longer hott to be daddy's little walking ribcage.
(Source)
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Saturday, June 2, 2007
The Sexiest Woman In the World
The Sophia post below made us think about the hottest seventysomething woman we've ever seen. Mamie Van Doren knows how to work it and doesn't go for the dowdy glasses. Her plastic surgeon must be making money hand over fist because he seriously deserves it. Mamie is a sexy beast at 76. If Hugh Hefner ever dated a woman his age, it would have to be Mamie. She's hotter than Kendra and Bridget combined!
Mamie then:
Mamie now:
Sophia, You Minx!
Do we spy a *nip slip*? It looks as though the tops of the nips are there, but the dress doesn't look out of place...it almost looks as though the feisty, feisty Sophia actually *meant* for it all to be showing. Admittedly the whole picture would be hotter if she ditched the glasses. On a similar note, people say that Sophia is super hott for a 70something (or is she still in her 60s?) but NO ONE will hold a candle to the hottness that is Mamie Van Doren. See above.
....And We're Back!
Lynne Spears greets you all upon our return! And she also invites you to sets your DVRs for her appearance on "the View" this Wednesday. How could you *not* watch? Obviously the appearance would be 43989x better if Rosie were still on the show, but it's exciting nonetheless. Our only other hope is that Kathy Griffin is guesting when Lynne is on. Oh please, oh please!
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