Alec Baldwin is a Latina

TMZ has "obtained" the most phenomenal message since Pat O'Brien's infamous dirty calls.

The scene: After Ireland failed to answer her father's scheduled morning phone call from New York on April 11, Alec Baldwin goes bear-ass berserk on her voice mail.

Don't believe us? Here are some Dina Lohan-like samples:

"Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone," adding, "you have insulted me for the last time."

"I don't give a damn that you're 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do...You've made me feel like s**t."

He also threatens to "straighten [her] ass out."

Hott. Listen to the actual mp3 here.