Not What We Were Expecting...

... from one of the most gorgeous women in the entire universe. First of all, this looks like Ivanka Trump heading to an "I Love the '80s" premiere party after a Restalyne session gone wrong. Second, blond hair?? Las Latinas *adore* blonde, but not on this woman.
So who is this headbanded and potentially topless young woman? Why, it's none other than the stunning, incomparable:






Dita von Teese. 1000x more gorgeous today than she was in 1987, and 1000000x more gorgeous than Evan Rachel Wood. That's right.