No es Bueno: Carrie Underwood

YEE-HAW, Y'ALL!!! It's me, Carrie, and I gotsa say: I lurve me some country music fans. So supportive and loyal, and always willing to slip me some Jack and slip off my American-flag & heart undies. Crazy, right?

Well, I'm here at the CMAs to perform one of my hit songs, and I hope you like it. No, I don't think I'll perform my magnum opus, "Jesus, Take the Wheel." Why? Ain't you cute for asking that question? Kisses!

So maybe I don't want to sing that song because a few hours before arriving to the ceremony tonight Jesus DID take the wheel, and we sped along some fashion decades and crashed into a parked vehicle here and there. LOOK AT THESE HOT PANTS. I could grill some patties and heat up some dogs on these. And my leg-warmers are the Innest of the In, correct? I'M JUST TOO PUT TOGETHER. But my point is that Jesus must be tired after all his driving, and he deserves a break. (Thank you, Lord, for exposing my yummy legs and shining Your metals about mine vessel.)

SOAK ME IN, Red States, and love it.

(Credit: Michael Loccisano/FilmMagic)