Canada Insists on Ignoring the Bible's Teachings

First those heathens to the Norte legalized same-sex marriage, and now the closest thing they have to a celebrity couple, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams (please note the impossibility of a cute couple-name mashup), are apparently looking to bypass all customs and just get hitched in secret.

Responsible readers will probably agree with us that some random farm animal will be involved in the ceremony, because that's what happens when people are cold and socialist. Poor Recently-Resuscitated Jesus!!

Las Latinas are the queens of social order and papal decrees, so we are not happy with this story.

Nevertheless...Regina George IS bigger than Jesus, we assume, and when her hair is not dyed pink, hotter than Pope Benedict XVI.

So eff our initial hesitation: hooray for McGosling! Invite us to the wedding, whities, and we'll bring the shot-making skillz and feather-boa limbo kit. And our Plastics undies, obvi.