Thursday, July 19, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Hold Your Horses, Haters
After Monday's Posh special drew decent ratings, winning its timeslot, (desperate) NBC execs decided to repeat the show this Thursday in place of an ER rerun. There was silly talk of adding in some bonus footage or deleted scenes, but it was then decided to have Posh host the whole night.
Results can be seen Thursday night, with Posh appearing throughout the network's comedy lineup.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Hiss
Joan Collins, speaking of her former co-star Linda Evans, in a diary Collins wrote in 2006 of the two Dynasty divas’ appearances last year in a stage production of “Legends”:
“Linda arrives at first rehearsal with cosmetic-surgery tape over and under her eyelids and underneath her chin . . . Naturally, the cast all pretend to ignore this, but it’s obvious she’s come straight from either the face-lift shop or a car crash. She also has the weirdest collagen-enhanced lips I’ve ever seen. In fact, she epitomizes the expression ‘trout pout’ with those huge lips that make her look like a gargoyle when she smiles. It’s quite off-putting to have to look at that face, which used to be so pretty, and pretend not to notice.”
(Source)
No es Bueno: Val Kilmer
CARAMBA.
"Top Gun," "The Doors," "Heat," and "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."
How did it come to this? Val looks like our one Republican uncle, he who banged the hell out of our aunt when she was babysitting his kids and cleaning the house he used to share with his (now) ex-wife.
This makes us a little sad, truthfully. Look at his face! He's embarrassed and resigned.
Upside: a Lou Pearlman movie is probably days away from being made and most of his former boyband clients are immediately available for filming. They're still casting the lead, and all Val needs is a little makeup and some glasses.
Maybe he's channeling Marlon Brando in "The Island of Dr. Moreau"?
Monday, July 16, 2007
Credit Where It's Due: Katie Holmes
We resisted liking Katie's new hairstyle because initially it struck us as matronly and dull.
Looking at these pictures of her at the NYC premiere of "Hairspray," though, we are slowly liking it as part of an overall cute look. Or perhaps we are relieved to see her without the gross, alien hobbitness that is Tom Cruise.
However, she's never going to get us to seriously call her "Kate" Holmes.
(Source)
The Ultimate Betrayal
The Killers singer Brandon Flowers and his wife Tana welcomed their first child, a boy, a source confirms to PEOPLE.
So his white offspring is recognized, but his 37 half-Latino kids remain in the shadows?
The Spirit of the Lindbergho Bebe is not amused.
The More Things Change...
Yeah, we're threading these together.
Ang Lee is back, but calm down, homos - it's not one of those movies again. Though the name of the film is "Lust, Caution."
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has invited Rosie to appear on a celebrity edition of The Apprentice.
Last and certainly least, Britney (above) just bought a puppy for $3,000. She's also auditioning for the inevitable award-winning roles of "Drunken Drag Queen Version of Natalie Portman in 'Closer'" *and* "Long-Lost Latina Cousin on the Street Corner" in the movie adaptation of our lives. Respect.
The Contrast, or, How to Lose Yourself Completely in The Fug
Clearly they're both trying really hard.
Jesse Metcalfe, who was once pretty cute and surely doable on Desperate Housewives, now looks like Britney Spears's next-door neighbor from way back when, a childhood friend who called her up a few days ago because he drove all the way to L.A. and is looking to make it big as an Eminem-mentored rapper with a heart of gold. He believes his first single could be a remixed version of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus, Take the Wheel," feat. Pharrell and Timbaland.
And then there's David Beckham. Honestly, he could wear a giant placenta and we'd figure out a way to use it in the bedroom. In the abstract, the camo shorts, hair, and sunglasses are open invitations to stab a guy in the ass cheek, but Becks just makes it work. Las Latinas would personally fund scientific research towards finding a cure for the mysterious "I'm unable to transform into Beckham's coffee-lid at will" syndrome. It makes a bit of sense and you know it.
His voice, however, is a little annoying and that's where the popsicles would come in handy.
Reality As We Know It
Not that you could have forgotten, but redundancy is inapplicable to Posh and Becks - Victoria Beckham: Coming to America begins tonight on NBC. Here's the queen on The Today Show.
We wonder if Matt Lauer, after his recent series of trashy interviews, has finally understood that Meredith Viera brought The View to NBC, far worse than anything Katie Couric brought to CBS's news division.
In some way related: why weren't we mentioned in this article? Infrequent posting can't be a cardinal sin.
Finally, our next favorito show has been announced - Snoop Dogg and his family are getting their own reality series on E! Entertainment Television.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
"I Think My Father's Big Problem With My Relationship With Shinjin.."
"is that she's not alive. She's not a real person."
If you have 45 minutes to spare (and we'll admit it...we do), watch this amazing video about men who have lovers who will never leave them. Or, for that matter, even ever say a word to them. Or complain about their bad skin and horrific lack of social skills. Most disturbing moment? When one of the guys "cleans out" his doll girlfriend. Beware...much bitter complaining about "organic" women to follow.
Posted twice for some reason. Apologies.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Latinanalysis: Bart Marries Milhouse in the Upcoming Movie
Springfield, Vermont, has been proclaimed the official hometown of the Simpsons. The town beat out 13 other Springfields for the honor, which includes hosting the premiere of "The Simpsons Movie" on July 26th.
Moving On
Now that our littlest mofo, Knut, has reached the requisite assassin level, we present Heart-kun.
You KNOW Veruca Salt would give us anything for this little critter.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Las Latinas May Soon Be Able To Join The FBI!
Our dream soon realized, pesky entrance requirements be damned! Doesn't the FBI need some "former" Latina gang members in their ranks to do a little spying/doublecrossing?
"Trophy Wives with Their Little Black Books"
Kelly Clarkson's performance at Live Earth reminded us that "How I Feel" is the best song on her new album and needs to be released before summer '07 ends.
Suck it, Clive Davis.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Happiness Is a Warm Gun
Nothing new to see here, but a part of us wondered if this actually happened the first time we saw it live.
Yes, he's playing the guitar; correct, they're singing their songs.
Admission: could be worse.
Muy Cute: Rihanna & Kumi Koda
What is there to say?
Rihanna, who any regular OLDL reader knows sings one of our favorite songs this year, is uniquely able to pull off almost any outfit, no matter how problematic it may appear on paper.
Kumi Koda is equally nuts, similarly cute.
We think they joined forces to save the Earth from greenhouse gases or Al Gore's son, and we love them for it.
Bellas!
No es Bueno: Sarah Jessica Parker
Even though we felt like the uno, dos, tres...catorce chicas had thrown a party and forgotten to invite us time and again, Sex and the City was a show we enjoyed. Not a hint of color in sight, but enough wordplay and hot male ass to pass the night.
Moreover, it provided Christina Aguilera with a real chance to shine:
With that said, Las Latinas shall *not* permit Sarah Jessica Parker to celebrate the show's big-screen debut by invoking the spirit of Robo-Matriarch XVII. The shoes and purse are pretty, but SJP's dress recalls the most expensive comforter at our local Bed Bath & Beyond.
If this is by Valentino, we need more moonlight. ASAP.
The only girl that wants to have fun while wearing this disaster is married to our Dunce-in-Chief.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
A Little Sexiness For Your Day
These hott bitches need to be hired for *every* hip hop video. They add a truly elegant touch to Chris Brown's "Walk It Out." They have the Latina rhythm! After seeing this, Las Latinas are going to go walk it out just like them.
The Bad Ideas Club
Us Weekly has learned Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are doing a joint national tour. Launching this fall – after the August 3 release of their film "El Cantante" – the road show will feature the spouses singing in large arenas around the country. "They each will do their own Spanish and English songs and duet."
Papi, that sounds dreadful. J-Lo: que hiciste? Las Latinas are surely stealing some front-row tickets, but we admit that we'd have more fun watching cockfights. It's not like we haven't seen iguana-like animals grab a massive ass before.
In other news, this "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie has no other option save bombing at the box-office. (We hope?)
The poster hints at how cleverness was sacrificed for Jason Lee's salary. For one, Theodore - the one who used to be gay and always wore the green outfit - now reminds us of Turtle from Entourage. Are we not entertained? Yep, we ain't.
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