We know that this is the moment you have all been awaiting...our weekly rundown of Rosie's classic questions from this week. Since Ro usually answers several dozen q's a day, we've conveniently culled the greatest of those posts for your reading pleasure. Rosie's answers are far greater than any commentary we could provide, although we will say this: Hey Todd -- sad, yes, but...wtf?
Here we go:
Not desiring to go too far, since we do want Britney to live a longer life and thus support her during this uncertain period.
But.
Las Latinas cannot remain silent when confronted with this cornucopia of craziness. Unless one of AA's 12 Suggested Steps is, "came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to fashion effed-upped-ness and dementia," in which case we respectfully stand corrected.
Quoting that obnoxious kitty: HANG IN THERE.
(Pics found here.)
Whoever said that Mischa Barton looked like the dragon from "The Neverending Story" was absolutely correct. Las Latinas can't seem to pinpoint exactly why. But it's uncanny!
If you haven't checked out rathergood.com, you must! Las Latinas have been checking up on Joel Veitch and his videos for years. You may remember him as the creator of the loved/hated Spongemonkeys of Quiznos commercial fame. His current crop can't hold a candle to the older videos (examples: http://www.rathergood.com/independent_woman/ and http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar), but it doesn't matter. This video was originally a promo for VH1, and remains a classic!
In case any of us have forgotten Brandon back when he dressed like a member of the Hives and had no mustache, here's an older video of the Killers doing "Jenny was a Friend of Mine," the first track on "Hot Fuss." No idea where the video is from (the WB? WTF?) but it's hott. Even if Brandon's hair isn't the best. Best part: at the 1:55 mark when he theatrically looks at the time. Love you, B.
The anti-Cory Kennedy campaign started by las Latinas marches on. Here, she is pictured with Pete Wentz and The Asian Man Who Shows Up At Every Hollywood Party. God, who is he? He's greasy. Now, las Latinas aren't huge fans of Pete Wentz, but one still has to ask why is he stooping to hang with Cory? And why is she not doing homework? Again?? Her parents need to go to jail! Cory is an un-hott mess and probably gets all F's at school and is not going to be so impishly...disheveled? elvin?...in a few years. And then what, Cory? And then what?
DEAR ABBY: I have a 4-year-old sister who drinks a lot of beer. My dad lets her drink it. What should I do? -- BIG SISTER IN SANTA MARIA, CALIF.
DEAR BIG SISTER: You appear to have more common sense than your father, who apparently does not realize that when children drink alcohol they can more easily become dependent upon it than adults. Because your father is not likely to stop if you tell him that giving liquor to a child is wrong, you should tell a trusted teacher at school what you have told me. The teacher can see to it that your father recognizes the error of his ways.
Poll: real, or fake? Las Latinas hope to Dios it's real, but only because we began drinking at about that age as well. And look how we turned out! Seriously, the kid probably just needs to relax after a long day. Glug glug!Las Latinas simply do not have the time, energy, or courage to summarize our months-long obsession with All My Children's Zarf/Zoe, but we are sober enough (right now: Happy Hour is minutes away) to link to her latest contribution to TV history. We're confident that, after sampling a taste of our generation's brought-from-the-heavens fire, you will further explore Best Week Ever's Zarf archives.
You're more than welcome.
It was recently announced that Beyoncé's crazy ass was going to re-release her latest album, B'Day, with several new songs (such as the - what's the most impolite way of saying this? - HORRID duet with Shakira, "Beautiful Liar") plus a DVD with music videos for pretty much every single track.
Well, some images have leaked and we love what we see. Some videos look terrible and hysterically embarrassing, which is why we're not posting them (save one, which should be obvious to anyone), but most look hott. Even Michelle "Gospel Gal" Williams gets to "Zoolander" her way into a vid!
We'll let you guess what image corresponds to which song. Friday fun, suckas!
Some are saying that Cobie Smulders, who plays Robin on How I Met Your Mother, has been offered the role of Wonder Woman.
Admittedly, we never really identified with Wonder Woman when we were growing up, although the bullet-deflecting bracelets were the hottness. Also, nowadays we can think of a few uses for the magic lasso...
At any rate, we like Cobie, especially after watching the following (thanks, seriouslyomg!), which is supposed to be a music video her character on HIMYM made back in the '80s, but that we trust is actually Colbie's way of courting Hollywood's Gay Mafia:
OMG, so this is the scoop:
Dina Lohan, LL's "mother," was scheduled to appear on Daytime Emmy-nominated The View this Thursday, more likely than not to confuse Joy Behar with Bette Midler and to finger Rosie's armpit (we vote for the one on the left). Unfortunately, her appearance was cancelled, *allegedly* due to Rosie's hating Dina's parenting skills, look, influence, and overall idiocy. (To wit: "As for her own nightlife activities, [Dina]'s unapologetic: 'If you can button it and clip it when you're in your 40s, you're going out.'" We say: hott motto.)
Needless to say, we're pissed-off sluts right now. What are we going to TiVo instead? Martha??? Since when does Rosie actively sabotage our You Tube dependency? So selfish. Maybe we'll stab someone while we hang upside down.
Oh, and if this leads to our precious Lindsay having to make a Japanese commercial, DIOS HELP YOU ALL.
We don't give much of a poopoo about Broadway here at Las Latinas (unless Chita Rivera is involved in ANY way, shape, or form), but this collaboration caught our attention, so we're planning on getting drunk and then crashing our moto into the theater. We hope to end many a life that night, and we already weep at the gays lost in the struggle.
The Flaming Lips will team up with acclaimed TV writer and show creator Aaron Sorkin to turn the group's 2002 album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots into a Broadway musical.
"Hey sorry I’m at my apt with nikki reed trying to find something to wear. I haven’t been to Hyde since before I went to rehab and am with sober friends and feel good :) Here now wearing marc jacobs pumps and a kate and kass dress, vintage chanel messenger and topshop tights and peace sign earrings from kaviar and kind."
More on this pretty hott interview/BlackBerry clusterf*ck at GQ.
(Photo by: Terry Richardson)
Per Us Weekly: Gisele Bundchen has finally spoken out, denying reports that she's pregnant with boyfriend Tom Brady's child.
"It's crazy how people can make up these stories...I'm not pregnant and I'm not planning to be pregnant anytime soon. I have so many contracts to do, so many projects."
Days ago, Las Latinas warned that Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen might be dating (or playing patty-cake: the jury is out). Well, Adam Brody, a huge follower of our musings, can be seen bulking up for his next role as jealous ex (or for "Battle Royale": the jury is out), which we love and encourage. Violence solves everything.
In fairness, though. Adam. Sweetie. Don't take this the wrong way. Would we take those tiny legs of yours and put them to good use regardless of your yelling the safe word we totally lied about and pretended we'd respect? Yes. And you're the King of the Track-Jacket Hoodie, something that Las Latinas see ALL THE TIME in el barrio. Yet...
The red shorts, dark socks, chalky legs, and fugly shoes will not win back the love of your four-season life.
All that being said, do you need help with that zipper?
(Pics obtained from Pop Sugar)
Preventive gayhab? Jesse Metcalfe checked himself in to an undisclosed rehab center for alcohol abuse this week, a rep for the star confirmed. (Photo by: Giulio Marcocchi/Sipa)
Meanwhile, the 80th annual Academy Awards ceremony will be held Sunday, February 24 at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood, while nominations will be announced January 22, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences said Wednesday.
The skinny brat from MTV's BRILLIANT show, Rich Girls, is still alive and well. Yep, Tommy Hilfiger's little girl. The one who went berzerk in one episode because she couldn't make tacos and was pissed that her daddy didn't do more to guide her as a child.
Yeah, well, she's attempting a comeback. Or maybe auditioning for a role in the sequel to "Killer Clowns From Outer Space." Hmm. We can see her on The View if and when Rosie leaves.
(Source)
Britney Spears checked out of Promises Malibu Alcohol and Drug Rehab Treatment Facility "after successfully completing their program," Spears's manager, Larry Rudolph, said in a statement released by Jive Records late Tuesday.
We seriously hope for the best, although we should know better by now.
We also seriously hope that Britney will schedule a TV interview, pronto. Dr. Phil is the obvious choice, but more star-wattage is called for here. And anyone having any connection to Anna Nicole Smith would be priceless, because we'd get to hear a hott speech about how Britney is "going down ANS's path" and how "only you, Britney, can turn away from it," etc. "THINK OF YOUR KIDS!" Loving it already.
Finally, to put to rest the rumors: we have not asked Britney to join our Latina Gang. The shaved head was an impressive first step in her conversion, but we saw some pics of her playing tennis and whatnot while in rehab, and that just cannot stand. Our bitches are ruthless and non-white wherever they go.
No laughs....las Latinas are going to review Dancing with the Stars! If you're not into this show, you are truly, truly missing out. This year, the competition has its biggest stars ever. No, really. Seriously. Joey Fatone from N'Sync is a pretty big step up from Drew Lachey of 98 degrees (adorable as he is), if you think about it. Not to mention that the contest also features the most hated - no, vilified - woman in England, Heather Mills. No! Her leg did *not* fall off last night. There's also the lovely Leeza of Leeza fame, who looks oddly like Heather. Billy Ray Cyrus, now a Keith Urban clone. John Ratzenburger, a delightful rapscallion with only two weeks to practice! An NBA guy we don't know by name, but was a delight according to the judges. Oh that's right, it's Clyde something or other. Las Latinas aren't always the best with sports! Paulina Porizkova -- love her! Shandi Fennessy - is that her name? - the old Miss USA. Too much like all the other Miss USAs (Travis Barker-screwing coke sluts). No thanks. Ian Ziering, who could be the newest member of the Scissor Sisters from the way he moves his hips. Apollo Ohno, cockily obnoxious. OMGZ, *Olympic* champion with no time to practice!!!!!!1111one11!! And last but not least Laila Ali, a broad so tough she should be the newest member of Cafe con Leche, leading th
e fight against the Singing Phantom Menaces. 
Joey Fatone was clearly the best. But what las Latinas don't understand is how they can rate him with the others. Las Latinas used to be rather obsessive fans of N'Sync. It's true. N'Sync's routines - not so easy. Even if Joey isn't exactly JT, he's still got the moves. The rest of the competitors were all pretty much the same, although Ian Ziering, as stated previously, is obviously a horny gay man. Finally, while the judges may have lamented Billy Ray Cyrus's lack of an actual chachacha in his dance, he was enthusiastic and caliente and las Latinas liked him!
That's all for the first edition of las Latinas' review of DWTS. If our boyfriend will let us watch again (he would have preferred some old ep of Rome), las Latinas will continue to review and inform of the latest developments.
Do not forget to watch next week!
You knew this was coming: Las Latinas vs. Las Olsen Twins.
Brief recap.
Bob Saget is hosting 1 vs. 100 and doing voiceovers for How I Met Your Mother. Stamos is on ER, which is allegedly enjoying a creative rebirth. (Whatevs.) Lori Loughlin is stuck acting with David Arquette in In Case of Emergency, but at least she's employed. Stephanie Tanner is recovering from drug addiction and probably dating some random douche. The girl who played Kimmy Gibbler is...WE'RE TOO TIRED TO PRETEND TO CARE. Dave Coulier is banging the next Alanis. Candace Cameron is psychotropically dealing with her guest-role on That's So Raven. Those cute little boys - remember them, the ones often seen French-kissing Comet, the golden retriever? - currently serve as our stabber-ninjas.
Which brings us to Mary-Kate and Ashley. We envy their bank account(s), no doubt. And some days we wish we could call them up and ask how that whole "NYU thing" resolved itself, since we love discouraging female educational advancement (the better to serve our recruiting).
Nonetheless, both twins could use a crash-course in the art of How to Refrain From Taking Your Regurgitated Salad and Making a Potato Sack Out of It. Or, a remedial class in Reversing Zombification.
Take MK (above), for example. Crazy kid. Nicole Kidman herself could not pull off the Russian mail-order turd look in Birthday Girl, so what makes you think you could?? The sunglasses better be hiding two empty eye-sockets. Not.To.Mention.The.Hair. You drive us locas, locas, locas!! You're a disgusting, boring wreckage. Go back to Starbucks and start gnawing on some cigarette-butt muffins.
(A massive check would be nice, though, as we always reconsider our opinions.)
(Picture came from People.com)
