4 de Julio
Happy Independence Day, Whities!
To our Latina sisterhood: We live to fight another day. In the streets.
(Thanks to E for the Onion.)
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Xtiny
Apparently, July 4th also celebrates independence from a stretch mark-less body: Christina Aguilera is preggers. She joins Ms. Richie in skinny motherhood. The presumed father is not hott.
We thought the father might be Robin Williams, but we were confused by his f*cking something else entirely: John Krasinski's movie career.
(Thanks to Will.i.tran for the baby name.)
John Legend is Happy to See You
John gets...excited while dancing with a female fan at a concert.
When a man tries this hard, we call "homo."
Somewhat NSFW?
Mama, Can You Hear Me?
Break out the pastel-colored baskets, blow up some balloons, and prep the preemie ICU: Nicole Richie is preggers.
The father is Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden. Probably.
2008's "Mother of the Year" award is unquestionably reserved for Nicole. And can you IMAGINE having Paris Hilton as an aunt? If we were a mini-Richie, we'd put a saddle on Paris's chihuahua and ride it until Hilton agreed to buy us a villa. Some herbs might also do.
Congratulations, Nicole - Las Latinas wish you health and success.
Though we wonder if your tummy is more the result of swallowing some drug-filled pellets and not of fertile love.
Let It Be So
Rumors that Dana Delany is joining Desperate Housewives are almost too exciting for words.
See, Dana was apparently originally offered the role of Bree but passed; she's now starving and wanting an iPhone, so she's swallowing her pride and signing up. The show could not get any worse, so we predict a good season.
Besides, Dana starred in Pasadena, one of the gultiest pleasures ever on TV, and an obvious inspiration for both Housewives and Brothers & Sisters (starting with the cast). Dios, that was a great show. Diane Keaton was an exec producer. Suicide, pseudo-incest, and alcohol abuse were featured in every episode. Had it not aired two weeks after 9/11, it could've found an audience. As is, it's a cult hit that occasionally gets a marathon on the SOAP Network.
Meanwhile, this headline made us laugh.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Cancers are Fun
Happy Birthday, Lindsay! Not sure what'll change now that you are 21, but Las Latinas expect bigger and better things, dearest Firecrotch.
Also, we know you're in rehab (when you feel like it) and probably too busy to add guests to your party invite, but we strongly suggest you invite these two. Wonder Twin powers, activate!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Pawing Paula
Recently, a loyal reader asked us why exactly does Paula Abdul have a reality show. We said we didn't know (although considering who does have a show - check your local VH1 listings - we cannot deny Paula the opportunity), but that it was irrelevant: any taped awesomeness would eventually appear online.
Behold.
&
(Source)
Full-er House
Steph Tanner is all grown up, isn't she? Las Latinas are relieved she dealt with her addiction by unleashing the compassion of her bosom.
Reinvent Yourself
Awww, look at Michelle Rodriguez, pretending to be a fluffy, sweet breeder! Of course we meant dog-breeder and not heterosexual female. Though let's just say we bet dogs are not her animals of choice.
On the subject of creating a new you, "The Simpsons" movie finally arrives this summer, and by visiting the official website you can make a Simpsons avatar, whatever that means. Sounds like nerdy and born-again virginal fun to us.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
The Parentless Trap
La Lohan was allegedly drunk and had cocaine in her system during the incident when she crashed her car in Beverly Hills over Memorial Day weekend. According to law enforcement sources, toxicology reports show Lindsay had "nearly twice the legal limit" of alcohol and traces of cocaine in her bloodstream when she crashed her Mercedes.
1. We salute Lindsay for supporting the winning NBA team, but only because Eva Longoria supports the same team and she's essentially the most powerful/skinniest Latina we've got. Thanks for self-hating, Alba.
2. We'll believe these allegations when THEY ARE PROVEN IN A COURT OF LAW, TMZ. If Paris can tell Larry King that she's never used drugs (um, classic porn-video feat. weed, Ms. Hilton - we're not stars so we're not blind), LL can deny away and stay hidden in rehab. Or go for a stroll...whichevs.
3. The trainer walking in front has potential. We'd ride him for hours, though he'd have to embrace a paper bag on his head, because we're not casting another "Planet of the Apes" here, people. The other guy is too layered and thus makes us suspicious. LL can have him in her eyesore of a Punky Brewster homage.
(Source)
Neuter THIS
Las Latinas have been thinking about this important issue for a long time now, and after Rosie's decision to decline the offer, we've decided to endorse Reginald VelJohnson as new host of The Price Is Right.
If You Wanna Get With Me, You Gotta Listen Carefully
Las Spice Chicas are back. The Girls have confirmed they will reform for a world tour to take place in December and January.Los Angeles - 7 December Las Vegas - 8 December New York - 11 December London - 15 December Cologne - 20 December Madrid - 23 December Beijing - 10 January Hong Kong - 12 January Sydney - 17 January Cape Town - 20 January Buenos Aires - 24 January
Register for (potential) free tickets here.
(Source)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Muy Caliente: T.I.
Oh, yeah.
We'll bring 'em out, bring 'em out, bring 'em out, bring 'em out ANYDAY for T.I. And by "'em" we mean "las boobies".
Dios, papi chulo is hott.
We could do without the whole T.I./T.I.P. silliness, unless it increases the possibility of an orgy, in which case we approve.
What You Know, Mr. Harris, Jr., is that you're our Soldier and we lurve it.
Call the NRA and Run for Cover
Got tickets to the you-know-what? Serena Williams vs. Marky Mark
(via Popsugar)
Who Wore It Better?
Future leather-face:
Aldo, a three-week-old pygmy hippopotamus at the Vincennes zoo, outside Paris...(AP Photo/Jacques Brinon)
OR
Ann Coulter on Hardball
"Say My Name, Say My Name," Human
Beyonce performing "Get Me Bodied" at the BET Awards.
GENIUS "Transformers" cross-promotion. Or did Darren Aronofsky make a deal with the devil to film a sequel to "The Fountain"?
Hottest Play Ever
Page Six reports that Spike Lee wants to stage a revival of “Stalag 17,” the 1951 play about POWs that was made into a classic World War II movie by Billy Wilder.
Nobody cares, we know, but consider this: Lee will stage the revival on Broadway early next year, with Clive Owen in the role of the camp commandant and with Mark Wahlberg topping the list of actors to play the William Holden character.
Drool.
Ring the Alarm
Pretty on the Outside reminds us that Paris Hilton will be Larry King's guest tonight - for the entire hour.
Allegedly, Michael Moore's appearance was dumped to make room for Ms. Hilton, which makes no sense, physically speaking.
We're Your Dreamgals, Boys
J-Hud and Jennifer Holiday sing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" at this year's BET Awards:
Kimmie Gibler Would be Amused
John Stamos was recently in Australia promoting ER (we presume some other character died this past season after falling in love with an Eastern-European nurse and bravely confronting a hospital intruder during a nuclear blackout) and may have been too..."jet-lagged" to function:
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