This Makes Us Want to Stab Someone. Namely, Paris.

Remember Paris Hilton, that fab celebutard who - AMAZINGLY - managed to do a terrible job acting in "One Night in Paris?" Well, she's possibly hooking up with that dude who does a terrible job playing a slut on Desperate Housewives.

In another world, this pairing would make us feel fantastically great, much like we'd feel if we found two fried plantains in our mailbox instead of another useless Valpak. Or, if we accidentally downed a NyQuil-Cabernet cocktail.

In this world, though, we fear that a Paris-Josh H. (he doesn't deserve a proper IMDB search) coupling will rob the world of needed antibiotics and vaccines, and, therefore, we cannot approve.

Ooookay, if you insist: we are a wee bit happy that Jessica Simpson's sister's ex has betrayed the Ash in such a ruthless fashion.

(BITCHES! The relentless torture!! We give up. Confession of a Latina mind: we'd do him, too.)

(Additional pics here)